tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-87417905830179099132024-03-19T23:53:45.714+11:00Not Another Blogging MotherNot Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-15211496269793967262014-09-18T12:35:00.000+10:002014-09-18T12:35:02.872+10:00The objects of my fixation<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“Have you ever seen something and
immediately thought
‘That-is-the-thing-missing-from-my-life-that-I-desperately-need’?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a perfectly valid question but Mr
G was not the person to ask. You see he is not a shopper so he looked at me
like I was completely mad. I’m hoping I have more luck with you guys.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Scrolling through <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2014/08/the-unexpected-lesson-i-learned-from.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">Instagram</span></a>, flicking through magazines or
wandering in a shop I quite often see things and lose myself in their
potential. Shoes, chairs, sheets, jeans, necklaces – anything really – can become
an object of my fixation and suddenly seem like the jigsaw puzzle pieces I
didn’t even realise were missing from my life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They will make life better! Easier! Less
stressful! More fun! Happier!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">They’re not just a pair of shoes or a gorgeous piece of
furniture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They’re the heels that will
magically bind everything in my wardrobe; the chair that would make my house
more ordered and less cluttered; the necklace/shirt/dress/scarf that would
render “I’ve got nothing to wear” permanently redundant; the sheets that would
make the bed practically make itself; the kids’ plates that would make
mealtimes stress-free; the elusive toy that would capture a busy toddler’s
attention whilst simultaneously educating and entertaining her for longer than three minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Of course none of this is true. No single object is capable
of wholly remedying life’s little challenges – big or small. Sad as it is to
admit no set of sheets will make the bed itself. No armchair or cushion will
negate the need to clean and tidy the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>No single pair of shoes will transform a wardrobe*. No set of plates
will necessarily make mealtimes stress free and no single toy will ever fully capture,
entertain and educate a toddler for more than three minutes. At least not one of
mine. (Unless of course the toy belongs to another child who is using it at the
exact moment my toddler wants it, at which point it will become highly
covetable.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But none of that is the point. The point is it’s fun to
dream. To imagine how carefree and idyllic life could be with a just a few
simple tweaks. For me the magic happens before I try something on or even look
at the price tag because those things make them real. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Once the price is known (inevitably out of reach) or an item
is tried on (and it turns out the t-shirt/dress/necklace is actually lacklustre
or unflattering) the thrill is gone. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
enchantment is over. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The objects of my fixation are far more fun in my
imagination than they are in real life. Can you relate? If so let’s play a game. What are the current objects of your fixation?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">These are a few of mine. Can’t you imagine how they would
effortlessly transform my life?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Dream away!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">* I am reluctant to be completely defeated in this regard
and will continue my search for the shoe-that-will-make-everything-better. I
suspect the answer is that the more shoes you have the better chance you have
of finding the exact pair on any given day. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-19739226348306269112014-08-26T20:07:00.000+10:002014-08-26T20:07:15.322+10:00How have parents not unionised? <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There are many things in this world I find quite
astonishing. The fact that in Sydney you can spend $1 million on a slice of
real estate and not receive a garage never fails to baffle me. Similarly, that
a society can be so wholly dependent upon technology yet setting up broadband
internet remains a punishing and insurmountable feat for otherwise competent
and educated mortals, shocks me. That someone ever discovered that separating
the yolk and the white of an egg, and subjecting the components to various processes
could yield magical things like meringues and mousse, amazes me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Truly, all manner of things genuinely surprise me. But, if I
had to single out one state of affairs that consistently astounds me, above and
beyond all else, it is this. The fact that as a workforce parents are yet to
unionise. Think about it. The working conditions that parents are subject to by
their very small employers are burdensome.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There is no doubt that in some sectors and some areas working
conditions in Australia could be improved dramatically. Generally speaking
though when you consider the basic rights Australian employees are entitled to
and compare it with the conditions parents face on the frontline, it’s
startling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Reasonable working hours? How does 24-7 sound? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Annual leave? You’re kidding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A weekend? Absolutely not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Freedom from physical harassment? Unlikely. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Freedom from bullying, intimidation or generally unsavoury
behaviour from your tiny bosses? Have you met a toddler? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A workplace free from hazards? Cannot be guaranteed.
Actually, it can be guaranteed. Your bosses will
place physical and emotional “hazards” in your way, usually several.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A stress-free working environment? You might get glimpses but
chances are you’ll be sleeping through those moments. Unless, of course, it’s
one of those shifts where not even nightfall brings sleep in which case
“stress-free” isn’t even close to the right postcode as an accurate label for workplace
conditions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Noise pollution? In. Sane.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Reasonable remuneration? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Any remuneration? Afraid not. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Bathroom breaks? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A lunch break? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Reimbursement for expenses reasonably incurred in this line
of work? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Any recourse to a manager, an HR representative or an
ombudsman to report unsatisfactory treatment? No. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So I’ll ask again. HOW HAVE PARENTS NOT UNIONISED AGAINST
CHILDREN??? We’re meant to be the ones with the power! With the (albeit rapidly
diminishing) money! Over the years employees have successfully fought rich and
powerful employers for things like penalty rates, extended periods of paid leave and
even guaranteed salary increases, so how is it that parents haven’t even secured themselves
a weekend off once a month??? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s mindboggling. At least it is until I take a moment to
reflect on the practicalities of negotiating any type of agreement with <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">my tiny terrorists</span></a></span>. There have been
days in recent memory when securing six months’ paid annual leave from Rupert
Murdoch would pale compared to getting my pair out the door. Which is why the
workplace conditions for parents are unlikely to ever change. Nevertheless it
astounds me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What blows your mind? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-91681286092659071582014-08-07T20:11:00.000+10:002014-08-07T20:11:55.556+10:00Five years in.<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Five years ago tomorrow I enjoyed one of the very best days
of my life. I married Mr G. Three days later we hopped on a jetplane and flew
across the globe to begin our married life in a rather lovely English town.
Fortunately the love and laughter from our wedding day has served as a
marshmallow around us for the five years that have since passed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As I’m sure you can relate, our marital life has been
steeped in light, fluffy, sugary goodness since we tied the knot. Is there
anything that can ever cast a shadow over the luminous love a couple enjoys on
their wedding day??? Of course there is. It’s called life. And if there’s one
thing Mr G and I have enjoyed a fair bit of in the past five years it’s been
‘life’. And while it might not have all been marshmallowy lightness, the truth
is, there is nothing that makes me happier, or more grateful, than our
marriage. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Between us we have navigated many of life’s joys, a few of
its catastrophes, plenty of chaos and much of its daily grit. We have overcome <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/routine-household-disputes.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">some trivial disputes</span></a></span> and some that have
been far less trivial. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We have shared some obvious milestones; having two children,
moving countries, moving house (twice), starting new jobs, entering our 30s, growing
up. Together we have experienced sleep deprivation, crises of confidence,
moments of glory, pangs of panic and an incredible visceral love for our girls.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have shared countless meals, car
trips, conversations, arguments, dreams, setbacks and just about everything
else in between.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Every marriage is its own mixture of the best and worst of
life – it is shared love, joy, disappointment, pain, grit, excitement,
friendship and more. Aside from the fact it’s ours, I realise there is nothing
about our marriage that is any different from anyone else’s. Because of that I
wondered whether it’s too indulgent to write about. Perhaps it is but earlier
today I read something that quite literally took my breath away and made me
want to write it anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At the beginning of July Hannah Richell’s husband died while
surfing. Her account of the grief that has followed is <a href="http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/life/life-and-death-20140806-3d8cc.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the most raw and poignant thing I have ever read</span></a>.
Like us, they have two children and on the day she wrote this she had
celebrated their beloved 4 year old daughter’s birthday. Without him. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She wrote about the love and life they shared, and the fragility
with which she has come to appreciate it was all steeped. Now, she is often
overcome with the urge to tell people to appreciate what they have, to live
every moment like it’s their last, in case it is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Her beautiful, wise and moving words made me recognise,
possibly more than ever before, the blessing that is simply living life with
someone you love. It’s a blessing that can be forgotten, sometimes easily, in
the haze of everyday life. It’s certainly slipped my mind on certain occasions.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Mr G and I have had the remarkable good fortunate to enjoy that
blessing for almost a decade. It is my most heartfelt hope that we will share
many more decades together and if fate is kind I have no doubt we will. But regardless
of how our future unfolds nothing will ever change the decade we’ve had
together.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Tomorrow, and this weekend, I will not celebrate five years
of sweetness and light. I will celebrate five textured married years with a man
whose kindness, love, stubbornness and talents never cease to amaze me. And for
that I have never felt more grateful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-74291402195116795672014-08-05T15:16:00.001+10:002014-08-05T15:16:48.461+10:00The unexpected lesson I learned from Instagram<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“Remember, no one is happy as they seem on Facebook, as
depressed as they seem on Twitter or as insufferable as they seem on
Instagram.”</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Those borrowed words of wisdom caught my eye a few weeks ago
and made me laugh. They kind of hit the nail on the head, yes? I have written
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<![endif]--><!--StartFragment--><span style="color: #ff0080; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/the-fraud-of-facebook.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the fraud of Facebook</span></a></span><!--EndFragment--> but today the social media channel I want
to discuss is Instagram.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I joined up less than a year ago; I resisted for some time
before that because, well to be honest, I didn’t feel my life was
pretty enough to take part. From the glimpses I’d caught Instagram, to me,
seemed a forum for people with beautifully styled homes, impeccably-styled
clothes, well-chiselled features and ridiculously well-honed photographic
skills. Those categories count me out so for a while I assumed it wasn’t the
place for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To clarify, this is not
faux modesty; I have plenty of strengths and qualities but styling and
photography aren’t among them. (And while things might be improving, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2014/07/a-dieting-post-seriously-its-come-to.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">well-chiselled I am not</span></a></span>.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But, after I noticed that a growing number of my friends and
family seemed to be cavorting around this photographic forum I decided to join.
(To be honest, the fact my grandfather had an active account brought me around
pretty quickly.) So I jumped in and rather quickly became rather fond of
Instagram in all of its gorgeous glory. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A few things became apparent. For a non-visual person I was
surprised by how much I enjoyed the visual element. I live and breathe words –
for pleasure and for work – so leaving that aside in favour of happy snaps
feels a bit like a holiday. Scrolling through photos of dreamy bedrooms,
idyllic views and memorable moments is totally different from scrolling through
Twitter or Facebook. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A picture says so much and the beauty of it all is kind of mesmerising.
My photographic skills haven’t evolved but I’ll tell you this - there’s a
filter to fix just about everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I also discovered that my initial assessment of photographs
worthy of Instagram wasn’t entirely accurate. There are plenty of lust-worthy
homes and fashions to be devoured but there is also much more. There are friends,
families, holidays, food, funny moments, all captured and encased in flattering
filters for you to follow and like. It’s another way to keep in contact with
the goings-on in the lives of those you love. (And even the lives of people you
don’t even know, let alone love, but find yourself inexplicably drawn to. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://instagram.com/pixiecurtis"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Pixie Curtis anyone</span></a></span>???)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Aside from the unexpected pleasure of stalking strangers’
photos, something else quite unexpected happened when I joined Instagram. My
life didn’t change but I started to look at it differently. There are a lot of
moments in my life that are not worthy of Instagram. For example, breakfast
most mornings, my house at 5pm on any given day, our laundry, my car, inside
the girls’ cupboards, inside my cupboards are just a few of the
#ThingsNoOneWouldEverInstagram. But there is more to life (even my life!) than
those dreary details.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I started to notice that my life actually <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is </i>dotted with pretty or memorable moments,
and keeping my eyes out for them opened my mind to them. I won’t pretend that
it changed my life (ha!) but it certainly did focus my mind on the simple every
day pleasures. Who knew my life was filled with #ThingsWorthyofInstagram? A
well-earned coffee, a cheeky grin, a glass of wine, a freshly made bed, a
toddler wearing wedges, cousins congregating, a cake worth replicating, a
celebratory bottle of “champagne” that turns out to be beer … these are the little
details that help make everyday life that much more enjoyable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hmm did someone say insufferable?? Maybe I should post a
picture of my laundry. Are you on Instagram? Love it or loathe it? </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-15316468926071135562014-07-24T13:01:00.000+10:002014-07-24T13:01:29.219+10:00A dieting post. Seriously? It's come to this.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Shall we start with a short visualisation? Let’s. Picture
this. You have done your very best to arrive at your physiotherapist
appointment on time. You are in the waiting room quietly high-fiving yourself
for remembering, after too many times forgetting, to wear the right underpants.
Admittedly, the criteria for assessing the right underpants for any occasion is
open to a great deal of interpretation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">On this particular day, for an appointment involving some level of undressing
for a health professional, my criteria was simply that my underpants be in decent condition. Not grey
(unless they were grey when purchased), no wayward elastic, no holes. Just a
decent, proper pair of knickers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
would you believe it? I actually remembered. Dignity intact! Though not for
long. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After the initial treatment my physiotherapist informed me
that she would be teaching me some new exercises. To ensure I did them correctly
she said I’d do them in front of a mirror. Oh and would I mind stripping off to
ensure I got the angles right? (Angles you say? What angles? As we both soon
saw my body was a distinctly ANGLE-FREE-ZONE.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So with cruel, unforgiving, sunlight beaming through to
compound the ignominy of the situation, I stood almost naked in front of a
full-length mirror assessing the damage. (Did I mention that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> paid actual money for this
exercise???) The only underwear that would have rectified it would be a full
body spanx suit. And that ain’t something I own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was mortifying, if not a little expected. Ok, if I’m
truthful, totally expected. The real surprise was that I was surprised at all. It’s
not as if any of my clothes were fitting comfortably. I hadn’t exercised at all
for over 12 months thanks to <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2014/07/so-its-been-while.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">my faulty hip</span></a>. And, well, food. Glorious food had
become, even more than usual, my lovely, reliable, dependable friend. (Though
in hindsight this friendship was not without flaws: read ahead.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The image in the mirror prompted me to hop on the physio’s
scales. I knew, despite desperately hoping otherwise, it wasn’t an illusion
staring back at me but I thought I needed the facts. I don’t own any scales and,
aside from my two pregnancies where regular doctor appointments gave me a
chance to keep track of my weight, I don’t generally weigh myself. Until I did.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Unfortunately I recognised the number staring back at me.
BECAUSE IT’S WHAT I WEIGHED WHEN I WAS 7 MONTHS PREGNANT WITH MISS L. Except
this time, there was no baby to account for any of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll let you digest that for a moment. It
certainly took me longer than a moment to digest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Eight weeks on and I am capable of sharing this with you
because I have managed to buck and even reverse the trend. I am now, happily,
closer to pre-pregnancy weight than peak-pregnancy weight, which considering
Miss L hasn’t been growing inside me for 20 months isn’t of itself particularly
astounding. But it’s a darn-sight better than it was a few months ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What I am about to write pains me. A great deal. With the
exception of various diets I tried to help manage Crohn’s disease back in the
day when that was a problem, I have never been on an actual diet before. There
is part of me that dies every time I hear the word diet. I hate the word and
everything it connotes. But the truth is I’ve been giving one a whirl and it’s
kind of brilliant. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I am sharing it as a community service announcement should
you ever find yourself naked in front of a mirror,
thinking it might be time for a solution other than a muffin and a flat white
to ease the pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have been on an adapted version of the 5:2 diet, the
principle of which is on 2 non-consecutive days each week you eat very little.
The rest of the week you eat what you normally would. It has completely reset
the way I eat and I have dropped several kilos without it seeming difficult. Truly.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This is why I think it works:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;">I got an app on my phone to help me keep track
of what I actually eat. Simple but brilliant. Particularly if, like me, you
have never had a firm handle on exactly how many calories are in the things you
eat. (I actually want to stab myself in the eye for writing this. But it works.)</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;">Maximising nutrition. By paying attention to
what I eat, particularly on the fasting days, my mind is wired to pick foods
that give maximum value. This wasn’t on my radar as much before.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;">Quantity control. The fasting days have
recalibrated my appetite. Habit is a powerful thing and I was in the habit of
eating a lot. I can now distinguish between hungry and not hungry. I eat less
overall but honestly I’m not hungry. I just don’t overeat. As much. </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Ok I will now stab myself in the eye and wonder how NABM
came to this. A dieting post. But if it saves me – or anyone else – from the
indignity of an almost-naked full-length mirror situation it will be worth it. Surely?
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-13275476006437059562014-07-17T14:48:00.003+10:002014-07-17T14:49:40.420+10:00So it's been a while.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So. It’s been a while! So long, in fact, that I have been
wondering whether I know how to do this anymore. That nagging notion has been
putting me off from coming back here for too long. So I’m just going to jump
back in like I did when I started.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Boy, oh boy, has a bit happened since I last stopped by
here. I remember just before I started what was about to be <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">a new job editing Women’s Agenda</span></a> I decided to give myself a month’s grace period from blogging. I
knew my plate was going to be full and figured <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/putting-blog-to-bed.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: magenta;">I’d need to reserve whatever energy I had for work and home</span></a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Ha! A month! </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Full doesn’t begin to describe it. It really was the most
hectic, rewarding, difficult, thrilling, supercharged experience on all fronts.
The work itself was an absolute blast and I loved every moment but it was
addictive and consuming. It was only when I stepped back from the role earlier
this year that I really appreciated just how “on” I’d been. About two weeks
after stepping back I started to wonder how I had done it. Not in a smug
gosh-i-am-a-bit-special way but in a brutally honest way. (HOW DID THAT
HAPPEN???) I still don’t really know. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Home life was equally consuming but markedly more chaotic
than work. There was far too little sleep for far too long and frankly living
on no sleep for too long is no way to live. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/scorned-by-thy-neighbour.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Just ask our neighbours</span></a></span>. Despite my job
being busy in comparison to Mr G’s working life I may as well have been on
holidays. (Albeit, a pretty average holiday.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So it’s been full on but we seem to be emerging from the
haze. I know that because there was a time, not that long ago, where I didn’t
have the mental space to even think about this blog’s existence. Lately,
though, I’ve found myself thinking about it often and even composing posts in
my head. Perhaps, dear readers, there is a sliver of space for me to keep an
online diary again. Therapy! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">To bring you vaguely back up to speed with the NABM
household, this is where we’re at. Our little misses are more entertaining and
– dare I say it – easier than they’ve ever been. Miss I is now 4 and would run
the house if we let her. Possibly better than we do. She is one of the funniest
people I have ever met and I sort of wish I could bottle her up in this age
forever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Miss L is 20 months and delicious. She has an uncanny sense
of humour; she laughs out loud at the exact moment a punch line is delivered.
Even when she’s a room away from the conversation and the conversation is at
least several levels beyond her comprehension. She laughs out loud at the exact
moment everyone else does. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is also the most determined person I have ever met. She
makes Miss I, who you might recall we <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">had pegged as a potential terrorist leader</span></a></span>,
look positively flexible. Miss L’s will power can – and occasionally does –
crush us. Fortunately that’s happening less and less. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In other news, I have unfortunately become acquainted with
the world of chronic pain. I wish that bit was a joke. You might recall, if you
cast your mind back, a particularly disastrous urban outing in which I was
trying to <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">put together a photo frame for Mr G’s birthday</span></a></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One detail which I left out at the time,
probably because there were so many disastrous details to relay, was that I
fell down a flight of stairs after my friend had taken the photos of the girls
and I. Fortunately I wasn’t carrying Miss L or Miss I so neither of the girls
were hurt. But I was. And it seems I still am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A few months later I started <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/words-from-stranger.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">having some trouble with one of my hips</span></a> </span>and
I assumed it was pregnancy or child-birth related. The pain become worse and
more frequent and tinkering around the edges did very little. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had forgotten about the fall until the beginning
of this year (that’s correct 12 whole months later) by which point the pain had
become debilitating and constant. An x-ray showed I had a small fracture in my
pelvis. (<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">NB</b> I will never ever
arrange a photo frame for anyone’s birthday. Ever again. Obviously.) Unfortunately there is
no quick fix so I am still in the midst of trying to get myself out of pain and
back into full mobility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Until this
chapter I had been blissfully unaware of the cruel world of chronic pain. Take
me back to that blissful place!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In other genuinely great news we have moved. INTO A HOUSE. A
proper grown-up house. With bedrooms and a living room and a laundry and a
clothes line and a backyard. Without any scary neighbours! Can you even
imagine? We’ve only been here a month but it’s already made my year. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So that’s an update from this corner of the world wide web.
What is happening in your world? On a side note I am really really thinking
about getting a Thermomix. Do you have one? Tell me why I need it*.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">*More accurately please tell Mr G why our household needs
it. I am already convinced. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-3527440700793559592013-11-02T10:49:00.001+11:002013-11-02T10:49:57.532+11:00Love is...<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I remember when Miss I was just a tiny bundle of baby, not
more than a week old, I wondered how she would know that I loved her. I really wasn’t
sure. I whispered it to her, in the same way that, two and half years later, I whispered
it to Miss L. I whispered it knowing that neither of them would, or could,
understand my words. But I did it anyway because I wanted them to know. And if
I didn’t tell them how would they know?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When babies are newborns they are quite like little strangers.
They are tiny, tightly-curled balls of baby who mostly want to be swaddled so
they feel snug and warm like they did for the first nine months of their lives.
They are finally so close, here in our arms, and yet they seem so faraway. For
several weeks it feels like nearly everything we do is to help make them feel
as if they’re back in their cosy cocoon of their mother’s womb. Really, we want
to learn everything there is to know about this little person we’ve finally got
to meet. But we wait.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We hold them close, we pat, we rock, we wrap, we sing, we
gently shh. We stare at them sleeping and feeding and stretching. We watch
everything that they do. We are always nearby peering in their eyes hoping to
catch a glimpse of the character that will eventually emerge. Gradually they
start to uncurl. Their focus adjusts and soon enough they begin noticing
everything in the world around them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But, back before this happened, I genuinely wondered how
Miss I, this faraway little friend of mine, would know that I loved her. A book,
an apt gift from a friend studying psycho-analysis, called Why Love Matters held
the answer. I learned that babies receive love through the accumulation of all
of our gestures. It is obvious enough and I doubt many mums need a book to
teach them that but I did and I remember feeling a flood of relief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I didn’t need to worry about defining my love in language
because just the way I held my little girl close spoke volumes. My love was
loud in the way that I patted and rocked and wrapped and sang and shh’d. In the
way that I fed her when she was hungry and picked her up when she cried and
burped her when she was uncomfortable. In the way I smiled and spoke to her. My
love was complicit in all of those tiny things that I did without thinking. It’s
easy, I thought! It’s in everything I do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">In the three and a bit years that have passed since I first
realised that, I have revisited the lesson many times and each time I do I feel
the same sense of relief. Although it’s equally applicable with toddlers, to me,
it’s never more valuable than when tending to a baby who can’t yet talk.
Because tending to a baby who can’t yet talk is often tricky. Particularly when
a baby is unhappy and all babies are unhappy from time to time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Whether it’s because of a cold, a tooth, a development
milestone, separation anxiety or just because, at some point, usually several, every
baby will be miserable. And it can really test their parents’ mettle (<a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/scorned-by-thy-neighbour.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">not to mention their neighbours</span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: #ff0080;">’</span></span>). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Through practical experience I have discovered there are
only so many days I am capable of being saintly in the face of our girls being
sick. A few days with a crying baby or toddler in constant need of comforting
is fine. More than that isn’t. It’s around that point, when trying to soothe a
screeching baby for the nineteenth time that day, for the fourth day that week,
that less-saintly thoughts float around my mind. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">These vary between “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">PLEASE
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST BE QUIET!!!”, “JUST CONCENTRATE REALLY HARD AND YOU
MAY LAND ON A BEACH WITH A COCKTAIL, A BOOK AND NO DEPENDENTS”, “HOW ON EARTH
DO ANY PARENTS SURVIVE BABYHOOD???”, “WHY DID I EVER THINK HAVING CHILDREN WAS
A GOOD IDEA???”, “PLEASE JUST MAKE IT STOP!!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s always when I’m swimming around in these waters that I
happily remember that my love is in everything I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">do</i>, not in everything I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">think</i>.
When I’m feeling like that I love remembering that love is a verb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Just because I don’t enjoy a particular day (or week) or because
I occasionally will the time away or often wish they would just sleep a bit
longer or cry a bit less (and a lot less loudly) doesn’t mean I don’t love the
girls. The fact is - rain, hail or shine - I’m still here feeding, cuddling,
caring. No matter the conditions, in the face of illness, sleep deprivation,
exhaustion, frustration, impatience, I tend to them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that, my dear readers, is love. Love that
is unmitigated by any disillusion or weariness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s territory I have frequented rather a lot over the past
six months with our lovely Miss L who will celebrate her first birthday today.
It’s been a year since the most magical afternoon of my whole life, the
afternoon we met. It was <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/pangs-of-envy.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">magical in a way I never anticipated</span></a></span>
because her arrival was serene. I’d relive it a hundred times if I could. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/then-three-became-four.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">She, of the most luscious locks and the loudest lungs, arrived
so easily and early</span></a></span>, almost three weeks before she was
expected, and, just like that, she stole my heart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/03/the-truth-about-order.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Her early weeks and months felt easy simply because they
weren’t as daunting as those first few weeks we had Miss I in our care</span></a></span>.
Miss L was placid but quickly proved herself to be something of a mixed bag. A
great daytime sleeper but painfully stubborn about letting go of her
middle-of-the night feed. She would self-settle without fuss most of the time
but then unpredictably wouldn’t. And when she wouldn’t settle herself it proved
to be an almost impossible task for anyone else. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A lot of the time she is quite laid back; happy to watch
what goes on around her. But at others time she’s been so determined that it’s
really tested us. She flat out refused a dummy – despite some persisting on our
part – and at six months old, for six weeks straight, she refused even a sip
from a bottle. She’s a bundle of extremes: extremely happy or extremely
unhappy, with little else in between. I’m terrified to admit she is every bit
as resolute as her big sister.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Of course she is also so impossibly sweet and lovely that
she takes my breath away often. Her grin and giggle melt hearts from a mile
off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It is impossible, I think, to celebrate a baby’s first
birthday without a sense of nostalgia and pride and love. It’s not time that is
ever returned – which for the most part is fantastic – but it’s also daunting.
This time last year Miss L was just a teeny, tiny thing. Now she is an almost-walking,
babbling little girl on the brink of toddlerhood. This time next year her and
Miss I will no doubt be terrorising Mr G and I, honing their skills in
preparation for their careers <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">leading terrorist organisations</span></a></span>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have no idea what the next twelve months will bring but I
know I am relieved and happy and proud that we’ve survived this year. I can't imagine our family without our darling L but I can't quite believe she's been with us for a whole year. A first
birthday is a milestone that is always worth celebrating: babies are adorable but they're not low maintenance and emerging intact is remarkable. Almost as remarkable as a parent’s capacity to love, no matter the
conditions. So t<span style="font-size: 12pt;">oday, with champagne, cake and chocolate
crackles, we will celebrate our gorgeous girl turning one and the fact we're still standing. </span></span></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-2512148563647010362013-09-29T13:39:00.002+10:002013-09-29T13:39:06.282+10:00Life and other catastrophes <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Hello!! Remember me?!? I’m the blogger who <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">always</b> makes you feel better about your
own life simply by virtue of it not being mine. Ok that’s not strictly true -
there are parts of my life that are lovely. But, if you’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> honest, you probably read most of
my posts and think ‘<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thank the Lord/Buddha/the
gods of rocky road/mascara/wine/sleep I’m not her’</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And, if you don’t, I promise you would if you could watch even
a small highlights package from the past six or so weeks. Things. Have. Been.
CRAZY. I have been <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">back battling the urban jungle</span></a> in the only way
I seem to know how – with calamity - and the travesty has been I haven’t even had
time to blog about it. I mean, that’s basically the whole point of having a
blog, having somewhere to constructively channel life’s disasters. Instead I’ve
been stuck just living them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So let me tell you that not being another blogging mother
isn’t nearly as much fun as being Not Another Blogging Mother!! I have never
had more material for this blog than I have in recent weeks which is the very reason
I have never had less time to write here. Every cliché you have ever heard
about people combining work and small children? <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I’m living all of them</span></a></span>. At any given
point in time I have about fifty balls in the air and I run around all day
trying to keep them from crashing around me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The funny thing is though, from the outside, my life doesn’t
always look as chaotic as it actually is. It’s almost like I live parallel
lives. I thought this the other morning as I sat on a full bus on the way to
work. From the outside I looked just like most of my fellow commuters; fairly
respectable, dressed in work clothes, with hair brushed and some make-up hastily
applied. Beneath the surface? Different story. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I had been up since 4.30am (Miss L’s current favourite time
to start the day) after being in and out of Miss I’s room all night (double ear
infection). Since 6am I had been wrangling two unhappy little girls, the
highlights of which included administering antibiotics into a wholly
uncooperative three year old and trying to prepare three bowls of breakfast
with one hand whilst also holding and attempting to soothe a fractious, tired
and hungry ten month old. I showered and dressed myself in under five minutes
but spent 30 minutes negotiating and cajoling the girls into their clothes. All
the while <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/scorned-by-thy-neighbour.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I was expecting a knock on the door from our neighbours
to discuss the girls’ overnight festivities</span></a>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I mentally high-fived myself about thirty times for the fact
I didn’t need to get the girls out of the house – <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/the-secret-to-long-and-lasting-marriage.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I just counted the minutes til our divine and delightful
nanny turned up</span></a>. After doing a handover with her, I then raced out
the door and started thinking about the half a dozen stories that I would need
to edit, write and publish that morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was also still getting over the shock and trauma of doing
a whole Woolworths shop the day before WITHOUT MY WALLET. (And just for future
reference if you ever do that, no they won’t accept payment with your credit
card details that you have displayed on your iPad right in front of them or a
bank transfer, also right in from of them. Not even if there is a screaming
baby in the trolley and a nearly-crying mother at the cashier. They will insist
you go home and return later. By which point you will also have your toddler
with you and they will have, helpfully, lost half your shop which you will then
have to do again. FUN!!!) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Anyway I was shattered and I sat there on the bus and marvelled
that none of my fellow passengers would have cause to be aware of the zoo that
my home life, just a few moments earlier entailed. I felt like a fraud, like I
should have disclosed “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you think I look
like a normal person going about life with ease – WRONG. Wrongity. Wrong. Wrong.
Wrong. You should see where I’ve just left!</i>” Except I then realised that the
same would apply to them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I mean, their personal dramas might come in a different
shape or size to mine (surely the chances are slim that two people on the same
bus would have gone to a supermarket the day before without a wallet???) but
whatever commotion their personal life might entail was invisible to me. To me,
they all looked like perfectly ordinary, functioning adults without a care in
the world. And, though I doubt anyone actually looked up from their iPhone to
do this, if they had they probably would have concluded the same about me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And for some reason realising that made me feel better. We
all have double lives – what we present on the outside doesn’t always mirror
what’s happening on the inside. Different settings require different
approaches. And the fact that for ten minutes a few times a week I look like
any other commuter – unencumbered by anything other than the bus meandering
along the road - just waiting to get to work? I like that. Truth be told it’s
the most relaxing part of my week. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So. That’s me! How are you??? What have you been doing??? I
wish I could say I was back for good but the truth is I’m probably not so I
will just blog when I can.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">PS As my loyal readers I should let you know
that NABM got a mention on national television a few weeks ago. Somehow I don’t
think the audience will be flocking here though. You can ready why <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://www.womensagenda.com.au/talking-about/editor-s-agenda/what-tv-taught-me-about-men-who-hate-women/201309182917"><span style="color: #ff0080;">here</span></a></span>. </span></span><!--EndFragment-->Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-12039444340012153982013-08-11T17:26:00.002+10:002013-08-11T17:26:17.139+10:00Putting a blog to bed<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have put off writing this until the very last moment but
my denial can last no longer. I am placing Not Another Blogging Mother into
administration for the next little bit*. I will pause now while you sob
dramatically and ponder how on earth you will ever cope without my weekly
whinge. (Take comfort knowing I am sobbing louder than anyone right now
pondering how on earth <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I</i> will cope
without my weekly whinge.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">From tomorrow I am taking over the reins at <a href="http://www.womensagenda.com.au/"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Women’s
Agenda</span></a> on a practically-fulltime basis and for many reasons I’ve
decided to dedicate myself to it wholeheartedly. There are only so many minutes
in a day and between <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">my job</span></a>, my girls, <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/naming-rights.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Mr G</span></a> and running a household, I know I’m going
to be spread thin as it is. So for now, while I get myself acquainted with a
new order of affairs, I’m going to let NABM lay idle. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Even typing that sentence was painstaking because I am so
reluctant to leave this space, my quiet haven in the world wide web, even
temporarily. While I am obviously not expecting anyone to sob, or even mind,
about my hiatus I wasn’t joking about my own (internal) sobs. It’s hard to tear
myself away. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/a-belated-birthday.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">For the past two and a bit years</span></a> a week has
barely passed where I haven’t perched at my computer and happily tapped away.
Not because I think I have to but because I always want to. There has never
been a day or a week where I have felt anything remotely close to ambivalence
about sitting here chatting to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Which is why this is not a eulogy. Blogging is the only real
hobby I have ever embraced and I have no intention of abandoning it for long
but for now my job and my family are going to be the dual recipients of every
bit of my energy. And until I’m back <span style="font-size: 20.0pt;">THANK YOU</span>
for reading. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">PS. Of course if you do happen to miss me here I will be
writing regularly over at Women’s Agenda so come visit! Daily! And bring all
your friends. And all their friends! And your family! It’ll be fun. I promise. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">*I am giving myself a full calendar month before I am even allowed
to think about logging on here again. I have to be strict because I will want
to be writing here but I figure it’s better to (try) to do a few things well rather
than lots of things badly. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-58454515286852141952013-08-08T14:46:00.003+10:002013-08-08T14:46:56.274+10:00The secret to a long and lasting marriage?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Yesterday, on the eve of <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/weddings-wonderful-weddings_8.html" target="_blank">our fourth wedding anniversary</a>, Mr
G and I welcomed another woman into our marriage. And, frankly, I couldn’t be
happier. While it is still very early days it already seems certain that her
mere presence will strengthen, and possibly even lengthen, our marriage. I
realise some people might think three is too crowded but regular readers might
recall that I have, on more than one occasion, expressed interest in <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/polygamy-not-such-bad-idea-after-all.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">trialling polygamy in the NABM home</span></a></span> and
so far the reality is every bit as good as I imagined it might be. Better even.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So who is this woman of mystery? She is a delightful
Brazilian girl, with whom we are all in love, who has taken up employment as
our nanny three days a week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(You didn’t
think anyone would join<a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html">
<span style="color: #ff0080;">this circus</span></a> for FREE did you?) Now I
realise an explanation is in order. A few weeks ago I recounted, in
excruciating detail, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/a-joke-thats-not-even-funny.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the horror story that is finding childcare in this grand
old harbour city</span></a></span> and a nanny was only a minor part of the
plan.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After sending myself completely spare I managed to get Miss
L two days in a family day-care centre. I figured my angst and hard work had
been worth it and was just gearing up to get stuck into work when reality came
thundering in. What worked on paper didn’t work in reality. Who would have
thought that getting two kids (fed and dressed) in the car, driving to one
location, unloading both children, dropping one child off, reloading other kid
back in the car, driving to the next location, dropping that child off and then
getting myself to work before 8.30am, and then doing the same in the afternoon wouldn’t
work??? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It wasn’t logistics alone though that made our original plan
come undone. Illness, a pretty inevitable part of life with little people, was
the main culprit. Miss L had one happy day in care before she succumbed to a
virus and then an ear infection and then suddenly my plans were no longer
feasible. When a child is sick they obviously can’t attend daycare but the fees
are still payable...and their parents are still required at work. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So even though at first glance we’d concluded a nanny wasn’t
financially viable we were forced to rethink. And you know what is less
affordable than a nanny? Paying childcare at two different centres <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> paying a nanny to look after a sick
child. That’s when you start haemorrhaging money and you start searching for
the very best nanny you can find. Which we did and as a result yesterday was
absolutely sublime. When I got home at 5.30pm the house was spotless, the girls
were happy, dinner was cooked, the washing was folded (and put away!!) and I
was so happy I could have burst. When Mr G arrived home after 6pm I was
actually dancing in the living room. True story. I had time to dance and read
stories and play and enjoy giving my giggling girls their bath more than I have
in yonks. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And if that’s not money well spent (not to mention the
secret to a long and lasting union) then I don’t know what is. </span></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-5491512562516043972013-08-06T13:37:00.000+10:002013-08-06T13:37:14.055+10:00The non-gift that keeps not giving. <div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you know what I love about housework? Ooooh it’s so hard
to choose! Oh actually no it’s not, it’s easy. Nothing! Do you know what I
don’t love about housework? Everything. If you were to insist I narrow my
distaste for domestic duties down to one little thing it would be this: the
fact it never ends. Like ever, to quote Taylor Swift. It’s like some reverse
magic pudding. The non-gift that keeps not giving. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Let’s talk about <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/balancing-trolley.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the groceries</span></a> for example. For the purpose of
this exercise let’s assume the best case scenario; that we are shopping without
children. We sit down and gather our thoughts to write a list of everything the
household might need for the week. A notepad on the fridge makes this easy(ish)
for me because the minute something runs out I put it on the list. This is
because, as ever, I try to make life easy. As ever, I rarely succeed. But with
every good intention I sit down, plan the week of meals and set out to tackle
the shops. So far so good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I battle the weekend traffic (the price i’m willing to pay
for shopping without little people), I nab a park usually after 20 minutes
circling and then whizz around the supermarket trying to avoid colliding with
every other parent in the city who is on the same mission. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I hope and pray the shelves are stocked with everything on
the list which it usually isn’t, so I make a mental note that an additional
trip to the other supermarket or green grocer will be required to collect
basil/avocados that may actually be ripe within the week/or whatever else that
wasn’t stocked but is in fact vital for one of the week’s meals. I then hand
over an obscene amount of money to ensure the duopoly’s market domination
continues and get myself home. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Once home I will then lug my supplies inside and begin unpacking,
which, invariably, requires rearranging the fridge and the pantry to make room.
This, in turn, invariably requires a trip to the rubbish bins because the
rearrangements mean both bins – recyclables and non recyclables – now need
emptying. I will then unpack the supplies and pour a stiff gin and tonic before
I start humming quietly for an hour. Ha…tricked you! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I won’t do that because I need my faculties for a bit
longer. At some point soon enough, sometimes even immediately, it will inevitably
be time to prepare one of the scheduled meals. I will peel, chop, sear, simmer
as required, ensuring I use several different implements and pieces of
equipment as I go. Because despite my best intentions to keep life simple, life
will laugh at my futile attempts and make my kitchen messy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I might then boil, bake, steam and, depending on the age and
stage of each <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>offspring, puree some of
this dish. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh goody more equipment to use
and later clean!</i> It is now time to serve and feed the children. Depending
on their moods at least <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">some </i>of this
lovingly prepared meal will end up in their mouths. Of course a much larger
portion of it will go untouched and even more again will be smeared on the
highchair and the table. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I will chat, sing, dance on my head…anything to cajole my
toddler to swallow something of nutritional value and prevent my baby from
tipping the bowl on her head. Or mine. (Not because I am obsessive about their dietary
intake but because I am obsessive about ensuring the whole grocery-shopping
meal-preparing exercise is not entirely in vain.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At the end of all this I will then put my head in my hands
and ask myself “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why? Why must we continue
this eating charade so many times a day???</i>” Well I would do that if I had
time. I don’t. There’s a meal to clean up!! Dishes to scrub, surfaces to wipe, highchairs
to clean, plates to scrape, cups to rinse. Not to mention clothes to soak. It
never ends. Like ever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If I’m lucky and I <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/f-is-for-first-world-problem.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">unstacked the dishwasher</span></a> earlier, like the
good responsible housekeeper that I am, the clean up might be quick and simple.
It probably won’t be. Even if it is though that’s just one meal out of 21 I’ll
be providing in a week. If you eat two meals out a week, which <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/money-matters.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">when you have small children and are on a budget</span></a>
is probably good going, you will be preparing, serving and cleaning up 19 meals
a week. And that’s not even counting snacks. Or the fact I don’t like eating at
5.30pm so mostly host two dinner sittings every night. And that is just food. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We haven’t even dealt with the laundry, the bathroom, the
toys or the carpet. Plus before we know it, all the food will be eaten and it’s
time to set off for the shops once again. See what I mean about the non gift
that keeps not giving? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/cold-watermelon-and-maternity-leave.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">started maternity leave</span></a></span> I remember
thinking it was so novel that I could put a load of washing on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and</i> be home to hang it out. I even said that
out loud so <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/artistic-differences.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">my sister</span></a> can vouch for me. The novelty lasted
about a day and now every load of washing practically brings me to tears. Which
is a crying shame, pun intended, because I do at least two loads every day. Why
you ask? Let me tell you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Babies have an extraordinary knack for making their clothes supremely
dirty; not with invisible sweat that you could potentially ignore but with all
manner of highly visible matter. Their bedding, muslin cloths, blankets, car
seats and adults in their vicinity are not immune from their messy magical ways
so it’s quite easy for them to singlehandedly fill the washing machine daily.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Also because most great baby foods have carrot or pumpkin or
sweet potato in them it’s usually not as simple as just whacking them in the
machine. A bucket of Napisan is always full. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Toddlers are marginally better at keeping themselves clean
but if you <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/balloons-bubbles-and-ballet-shoes.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">have a daughter like mine</span></a> who changes her
clothes regularly throughout the day chances are they can still dirty upwards
of six garments. A day. Add in the odd accident and we’re doing their sheets
and mattress protectors too. Hence my close and fractious relationship with my
washing machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The cruellest part of all this is that it never ends. There
is no demarcation between the week and the weekend when it comes to domestic
duties. So long as there are mouths to feed and bodies to dress these jobs keep
marching on. And frankly it blows my mind. Can you tell??? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you need to whinge about something? Please use the
comment section to jump in.</span> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-59816341727046606342013-07-31T10:33:00.001+10:002013-07-31T10:33:32.454+10:00Haters gonna hate<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Sometimes I worry about venting about my struggles in the
parenting arena here. It doesn’t stop me from doing it but I do wonder whether
occasionally it might make me seem like I’m a bit awful. I don’t have an
editorial calendar and I don’t plan my posts too far in advance; it’s a bit
more on the fly than that. I sit down and write whatever comes and more often
than not the stuff that comes out is the tougher stuff. The bits I’ve been
stewing over or trying to reconcile.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes this means there might be a few negative posts in a row and
when that happens I always wonder whether I should bang up something quickly
about the rosier side of <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">raising terrorists</span></a></span>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never do just for the sake of it but it’s
something I think about. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A few weeks ago one of my favourite bloggers, Esther Walker,
<a href="http://reciperifle.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/tapenade-not.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">put into words something that made sense of it</span></a>.
She has recently had the horrific experience of being trolled; she received a
string of venomous and vile emails from an anonymous hater. The person – gender
unknown – made some heinous comments, the worst of which suggested she should
kill her toddler if she hates her so much. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At this point many things are obvious; that heinous doesn’t
begin to describe a person capable of sending such revolting things. That a
person capable of sending such revolting things is in need of psychiatric
intervention. That a person subjected to such revolting things would be
rattled. That a person subjected to such revolting things about their innocent
and beloved child would stop and question, really question, why on earth she
sits down every week and gives her readers a glimpse into her life when <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">that </i>is what she gets in return. That it
would be tempting to pull down every post she’s ever written and never pen
another. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fortunately for her, and all of her fans, Esther’s readers
rallied upon reading of her hellish encounter. They commented in the hundreds
and, by opening up about how Esther’s honest words so often rally them, I
think, reassured her that despite the abhorrent sentiments of one anonymous
hater, there is tremendous gratitude for what she does in her weekly missives. And,
more than just gratitude, there is utility. Because it makes other people feel
less alone, less in need of a straight jacket and less like they’re the only
one who wants to yell <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/but-i-dont-want-to.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">“THIS IS TOO BLOODY HARD!!!,”</span></a></span> when
they’re trying to pin down a three year old to administer eye drops (FOUR TIMES
A DAY FOR FIVE CONSECUTIVE DAYS!!!).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I doubt any sane person could read one of Esther’s posts and
not conclude that she absolutely adores her children. It is plain to see in her
words. But, as she wrote, there is less value in writing simply about how much she
loves her children. How vast and uncomplicated that love is and how delightful her
gorgeous kids are. Because, as any parent can attest, that’s the easy part; the
bit that happens without trying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The bit that isn’t easy is coming to grips with the moments
when you just want everyone to stop whinging. Or asking questions. Or barking
orders. Or melting down. Or demanding more of you when, in fact, it feels like there
is nothing left to give because it feels like you’ve been meeting demands for months
on end. The bit that isn’t easy is coming to grips with the fact you can love a
small child so hard but just as intently wish they were someone else’s
responsibility part of the time. You know, like one weekend a month. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If you don’t have small children or have never been
responsible for small children for a prolonged period of time, I think, there
is a chance you might read that and think that anyone feeling those things is
doing it especially tough. That any parent feeling or thinking those things is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i> struggling. Like ‘bring in people
in white jackets’ kind of struggling. But, as far as I can tell, thinking and
feeling those things is pretty routine in the lives of families with little
people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s the reason I, and no doubt all of her fans, rejoice in
reading the words of a parent like Esther. A parent who is honest and generous
and brave enough to tell me, in no uncertain terms, she feels those things. And
I am grateful because apart from entertaining me with her funny and thoughtful
posts and plying me with recipes that work, Esther’s blog makes my tougher
moments in the parenting arena a tiny bit more bearable. It’s further proof
that <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/mothers-not-at-war.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">others mothers really are every mother’s biggest ally</span></a></span>.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">I’m glad she doesn’t sit down and write something rosy just
for the sake of it and it’s the reason I won’t either. As the writers of The
Wire so aptly put it ‘haters gonna hate’ so there’s no point pretending for
them. And because you’re all too lovely to hate I know I can level with you.</span></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-64947260231892278502013-07-23T10:42:00.000+10:002013-07-23T10:42:27.104+10:00Scorned by thy neighbour<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Readers I am feeling scorned. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Mostly
madly to be honest. Let me set the scene. We’ve been having a pretty tumultuous
time here at NABM HQ lately. No single event is responsible but a few factors,
when taken in combination, mean it’s been kind of rough. The girls have both
been sick (and consequently grumpy and miserable) on and off for weeks, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/but-i-dont-want-to.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Mr G’s been working like a demon</span></a></span>, I’ve
been <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/07/a-joke-thats-not-even-funny.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">scrambling to make arrangements for going back to work</span></a></span>
and the backdrop to all of this is that <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/the-fraud-of-facebook.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Mr G and I haven’t really slept properly in over eight
months</span></a></span>. One reason we’re <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">both
</i>sleep deprived is because <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/matter-of-function.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">we live in an apartment</span></a></span>. It means there
is no spare room where one of us can retreat; for a daytime nap, for some quiet
time or a solid night’s rest. We live on top of each other and we have
neighbours who live on top of us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Which brings me to feeling scorned. By thy neighbour.
Yesterday afternoon, I was yo-yoing between the girls as they each resisted
sleep at different times for different reasons. Miss L is a baby so clearly
needs to sleep during the day and whilst Miss I is 3, she still appears to need
her nap too. I like the girls having a nap for a few reasons. Obviously I like
it because it means I have a quiet home for at least half an hour which
recharges me for the afternoon ahead. But it also recharges them. And because
they’ve been sick lately they both needed sleep yesterday even more than I
needed peace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After a pretty spectacular lunchtime tantrum Miss I hopped
into bed without hassle but, murphy’s law, Miss L took more convincing. Once I finally
put Miss L in her cot without major protest and sat down to eat something, Miss
I howled. I managed to convince her to lie back down. This worked for about ten
minutes before she cried out again. I brought her into our room on the proviso
that she could at least rest and I had just lay her beside me when I heard a
knock at the door. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Obviously it’s Mr G
coming home super early as a surprise!!”</i> I thought. Obviously I was wrong.
It was our neighbour from upstairs. This went down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Neighbour:<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> “Look I
have just had to leave uni early because I can’t concentrate. You guys seem
like nice people but you really need to sort out your baby because we’re not
sleeping and we’re thinking we may have to move out.” <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Me:<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> “I’m so sorry,
both the girls are sick at the moment.” My eyes pleaded with her….please don’t
do this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Neighbour:<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> “It’s just
we’ve tried sleeping in our spare room at the back but we can still hear the
baby. Is there anything you can do?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Miss I:
Muuuuummmmmmmyyyy Mummmmmyyyy <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Me: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“I’ll just be a minute
Miss I. I’m so sorry. I mean we are not enjoying this at all. We have just had
8 nights in a row without Miss L waking at all but she’s sick so the last two
nights we’ve been up with her again.”</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My eyes pleaded again…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">please
don’t make me say that I’m on the verge of losing it. I haven’t slept in months
and however much you hate being woken by a crying baby multiply it by a
thousand and you’ll begin to understand how we’re feeling. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">At this point Miss I’s cry had become a bit hysterical and,
wouldn’t you know it, Miss L chimed in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Me: Pointing in direction of the unmistakable noise of two upset
children <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“As I said the girls are both
sick and miserable at the moment so there’s not a lot we can do. Trust me when
I say we’re not enjoying this and we’re trying our best.”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She stood there looking at me slightly expectantly like I
might be able to instantly solve her problem, which, as you can probably see,
is in fact our problem. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">“Oh gosh sorry I
didn’t realise you didn’t <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">enjoy</b>
hearing our baby in the middle of the night! We’ve just been getting her up
because Mr G and I feel, really strongly, that 7am til 7pm is just not enough
time with her. You know? We get her up to enjoy the magic of our baby because
even listening to her cry in the middle of the night is music to our ears. From
now on would you like us to just leave her to sleep all night?” <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She made her point again: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“It’s just we’re finding it really difficult and yeah, just wanted to
say that and just see if there’s something you can do?”<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I managed to hold it together until I closed the door at
which point I burst into tears. I felt ashamed and embarrassed and guilty. I
wanted to just magically relocate our apartment to a field in the middle of
nowhere. But then I really <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really</i>
thought about the exchange and I started to feel angry. And so very
scorned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Not because I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want</i>
to be keeping anybody up at night. Or because I think our neighbours need to
generously accommodate my children at all hours. I don’t. Quite the opposite. I
feel scorned because Mr G and I are considerate neighbours. Yes we live with
our two small children, who occasionally make less than ideal noises at less
than ideal times, but as far as we’re aware we are well within our rights to do
so. When we’ve had a particularly bad patch with Miss L we have delivered cards
and rocky road upstairs and apologised. When we bit the bullet and tried
controlled crying with Miss L we talked to them in advance and explained what
was happening and even bought them earplugs. We have made it clear we are
working towards a sleep solution and have apologised profusely for any
disturbance. We have offered them our compassion and understanding. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I feel scorned that instead of offering us the same I got
grandstanded and made to feel like absolute rubbish in my own home. I don’t
think you need to be a parent to understand that no one wants to be up in the
middle of the night with an upset child. Least of all their parents. Particularly
not parents who have gone out of their way to make it better.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There is some consolation though. As a newly engaged couple
they have expressed their excitement about starting their own family and when
that happens I know she will think back to that conversation one night when she
is up with an inconsolable infant and she will regret her lack of
understanding. One of my Twitter friends said, quite evilly, it best: “May they
be blessed with triplets with colic who feed hourly on different schedules.”
I’m not sure <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anyone </i>deserves that but
I’m happy to say karma has already kicked in. By a stroke of luck neither of
our girls are early risers so our neighbours, small blessing, have <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i> had to deal with noisy children
before 7 am, which is pretty good going in the land of little kids. Until
today. This morning Miss I woke at 5.30am with an almighty cry and then played
noisily with abandon for hours. I wanted to high five her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Loudly.</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-20768764412464659552013-07-17T10:47:00.000+10:002013-07-17T10:47:07.584+10:00The maelstrom that is a mother's mind<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have written before <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/08/not-another-guilty-mother.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">that maternal guilt is something I try to avoid indulging
myself in too much</span></a>. Like <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/pangs-of-envy.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">envy</span></a></span>, I find it achieves nothing other
than making me feel a little bit off. Of course, despite my best intentions to
avoid it, I do, from time to time, succumb and roll around in guilt-ridden
thoughts. My <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">new job</span></a> has triggered an indiscretion and it’s
bothered me for a few reasons. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">For one thing I have always advocated – to myself as much as
others – <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/why-im-not-saying-sorry-for-f-word.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">that motherhood and professional ambition need not be
mutually exclusive</span></a></span>. There isn’t too much else I believe in
quite as fervently as that. I also know first-hand that <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/10/dream-in-progress.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">combining work inside and outside of the home is a happy
arrangement for me</span></a><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span style="color: #ff0080;">
and my little family</span></span>. Despite this I would be lying if I said I
haven’t harboured some guilt about returning to work whilst Miss L is still a
baby. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When the possibility of this job first arose I was genuinely
thrilled. My head spun and it excited me for a variety of reasons; it’s an
opportunity to work from a platform I admire, pursuing an agenda I am genuinely
passionate about in a role that, I think, will effectively utilise my experience
and skills. It’s probably not a stretch to describe it is as something of a dream
job. For at least a week I was mentally high on the prospect alone. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After a while though a sinking feeling descended and it
didn’t take me long to realise guilt was the culprit. My guilty thoughts came
in a variety of shapes and sizes but in a nutshell my unease was this; what
sort of a mother would get so excited about a professional opportunity when she
has a baby to nurture? The answer, I’ve now discovered, is a mother like me. And
I’m pleased to say, I’ve now discovered, I’m ok with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At least I am most of the time, and when I’m
not I’m going to fake it until I make it (true).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">After giving my situation some thought I figured I had a
choice; take the job and get comfortable with my decision or turn it down and
do the same. I went with the former because I knew the latter would be harder. I’m
not sharing with you the reasons I’m now (mostly) comfortable with it because I
am seeking your approval. The only approval I need is my own and after doing a
little soul searching I’ve decided to grant it. I’m going to tell you the
reasons on the off chance that you have faced a similar predicament or think
you might in the future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I should add that despite this navel-gazing work is actually
a financial necessity for me; not working was never an option but this means
going back earlier than planned. My guilt seemed to stem more from the fact I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wanted</i> this job as much as I need it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Ironically, or maybe it makes perfect sense, it was my two
gorgeous girls, the very reason my maternal guilt exists, that made the choice
simple. Like any parent I have many hopes and dreams for my children. Namely, that
one of them will become an expert in Chinese massage therapy and schedule me in
for hour-long weekly treatments throughout my life. I‘m kidding! I’d only want
them to follow that path if it’s what they wanted. But what child wouldn’t want
to make their mother eternally relaxed and happy?!? Seriously though of all the
things I hope they may become, fulfilled, is probably at the top of my list. Well
after being healthy, well-adjusted, loved and sheltered from all harm. But
fulfilment is a priority because I honestly believe fulfilment is about as good
as life gets. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Fulfilment comes in many different boxes which is why I am
eternally grateful to the original feminists. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/a-brand-in-crisis.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">For the fact they gave women a better chance at finding
fulfilment by fighting for us to have choices</span></a></span>. For the fact they
challenged the notion that a woman belongs at home. For the fact that instead
of relegating a person to an office or the kitchen on the basis of gender they
fought for the individual’s right to make up their own mind. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Despite my gratitude for these things, I am learning, that
when it comes to actually walking the walk it’s a bit more complicated. At
least it is for me. Because despite the fact I consider Mr G and I equals in
every respect, deep down, I obviously hold some unconscious bias. I don’t doubt
Mr G’s commitment to his daughters because he is pursuing a career. But I have
doubted my own. I don’t question Mr G’s credibility or ability as a father
because he has chosen a demanding job. But I have questioned my own. I don’t
expect Mr G to apologise to anyone, let alone himself, for wanting the career
he does. But I feel compelled to so myself. The truth is I obviously apply
different standards to him than I do to myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">On the one hand it would be easy to pretend that I don’t.
Pretend that I am gung-ho enough not to have considered any of these things.
That accepting this job was as simple as saying ‘When can I start?’ But, on the
other hand, it wouldn’t be true. This is, I think, one of those shades of grey
that our former PM Julia Gillard spoke of in her final press conference. Some
things are more complicated than black and white and, in her words, ‘require
sophisticated thought’. Whilst I can’t lay claim to my thoughts being
particularly ‘sophisticated’ this is where the maelstrom that is my mind took me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have often thought how lucky our girls are to have a
father like they do. A dad that is doing a job he loves and building a career
that will support his family, not just financially, but emotionally, because it
fulfils him. And, the truth is, as much as it challenges my natural inclination
to say this, they are lucky to have a mum like that too. And so I’ve started
applying the same standards to myself that I have to Mr G. Standards, I should
say, he has always applied to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I do have ambitions and interests beyond parenting and that
is not to the girls’ detriment. It is in their favour. Work supports and
sustains me and it helps me support and sustain them. Writing, interviewing
people, planning stories, thinking about issues and starting conversations might
not achieve world peace but it stimulates me in a way nothing else does. And
that certainly promotes peace inside this house. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But, as I said about fifty pages earlier, it was the girls themselves
that finally focused my complex and contradictory and chaotic thoughts into sense. If I was to put either Miss I or Miss L into my shoes in 30 years time
and they came to me with this choice? If they had the option to get paid to do
something that makes them tick whilst also raising their family? I would be thrilled for them. End of story. And
so I’ve decided to stay thrilled for myself. Even if, on the odd occasion, I
have to fake it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">A quick poll to end a long post; am I alone in weaving this
complex web or have you deliberated over these things like me?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-67719607185034829012013-07-10T17:20:00.001+10:002013-07-10T17:20:13.456+10:00Mothers (not) at war<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Plenty is said about the <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/what-i-read-25th-july_28.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">so-called mummy wars that are supposedly battled out
between child-toting women</span></a> everywhere</span>. If you believe what
you read us mothers fight over everything. From feeding, to sleeping, to
working, to not working, to dummies, to organic, to not organic, to bottles, to
toys. If there is a choice we’ve got battle lines firmly drawn. But do you want
to know something? We don’t. Us mothers might be at war but we’re in the
trenches together. It’s our children, really, that we are at war with and in that battle other mums (and dads) are our fiercest allies. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Steering little people towards a civilised existence
complete with manners, clothes, food, rest, water and stimulation is a long war
of sorts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each day, and if we’re unlucky,
each night, we wake up, we assume the same position
on the battlefield, usually at the frontline, and armed with consistency, patience and strength, we go into combat with our small antagonists. Breakfast? No! Sleep? Says who?! Sit quietly? No way! Terrorise Mum? Yay! Whilst we inevitably
concede battles along the way we try to remember we are in fact winning the
war. It’s a ‘please’ here, a ‘thank you’ there, falling asleep without protest,
mastering a task like getting dressed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Slowly but surely, battle by battle, obstacle
by obstacle, day by day, there are signs that we are succeeding in our crusade. Signs that the little lights in our lives are progressing towards
independence. And as we go, our staunchest allies, our most reliable sounding
boards, our sharpest tacticians, are the other parents on the field with us. This
is as true for dads as it is for mums but, for whatever reason, it’s mothers
who get lumped with the war tag. And today, in the supermarket, once again, I
was reminded how far from true that is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">One of the things that has quite genuinely amazed me about
motherhood is the solidarity between mothers. The camaraderie is amazing and it
should be celebrated. The support I receive, and that I see others receive,
from all sorts of mothers, in all sorts of ways, is breathtaking. Sometimes
it’s from mothers who are in the trenches at the same time and sometimes it’s
from mothers who were there long ago but remember it well. Sometimes it’s as
simple as a knowing glance from another mum collecting her child from daycare,
knowing that arsenic hour is about to start. Sometimes it’s being able to send
or receive a text from a comrade saying “My toddler’s driving me crazy”. Sometimes
it’s a text sent or received from a comrade saying “I get it”. Sometimes it’s a
mother recounting a day or moment in time that was so hard they remember it
thirty years later. Sometimes it’s a coffee with a mum who is honest enough to
tell you that they’re bored and frustrated and that they haven’t slept in 8
months. Sometimes it’s a friend saying <span style="color: #ff0080;"><span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/words-from-stranger.html">“Drop your kids here and go to the osteopath.”</a> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Sometimes it’s bumping into another mum in the supermarket,
like I just did, and chatting for 10 minutes about our children, our work and our
lives and walking away feeling better for having had the conversation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Solidarity comes in all shapes and sizes but no matter how
it’s packaged, underneath, at its core, is understanding. And when it comes to
us humans, is there anything quite as lovely as being understood? I think not. We
don’t necessarily have to walk in someone’s shoes to understand them; I have
lots of friends and family without children and I’d never discount the support and
understanding they lend me. It’s just that in any realm – whether it’s parenting,
running marathons, managing staff, coping with illness - there is comfort in
the unspoken understanding that exists when two people have walked the same
path. In my three years in the mother-hood I have never craved that understanding
more which is lucky because, thanks to all the mothers in this world, I’ve
never felt it more either. And you don’t hear that enough. So the next time you
hear or read someone bang on about us mothers being at war, remind them of
this. WE ARE ON THE SAME TEAM!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Speaking of which it’s time for me to return to the trenches
as I march our Misses towards everyone’s favourite battlefield. Bathtime!
Dinner! Bed! May the strength (and wine) be with me. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-51148324777440493292013-07-09T14:11:00.000+10:002013-07-09T18:23:30.833+10:00A joke. That's not even funny.<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">One upside to keeping a blog is that when I find myself <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">in the midst of something even mildly hellish</span></a></span>
I find some solace in the fact I will have something to write about. And so I
am compelled to share with you my recent experience of finding childcare. Anyone wondering why so few women return
to work after having children has obviously not spent any time on the phone to
the government departments responsible for family services. In my experience
even a quick conversation with any of those bodies is usually enough to zap the
will to live, let alone work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’m <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">due to start a new job</span></a></span> next week which
means, among other things, I will be relinquishing some of my parental duties.
Not in spirit, of course, but in body, at least, a few other adults will be
responsible for caring for the two lovely Misses in my life at certain times. This
is sensational for lots of reasons not the least of which is because for a
while there it looked like Miss I might be caring for Miss L. And that was
never going to end well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">As background, despite Miss L’s name being down at the
fantastic centre which Miss I attends since I was four months’ pregnant, there
is virtually no chance of her securing a single day there before 2014. I had
naively assumed Miss L would get a spot there so hadn’t put her name down at
too many other places. By which I mean, none. But, with that option off the
table, with a signed contract and a start date locked in I was forced to
quickly familiarise myself with every childcare facility within a 10 kilometre
radius of my home and my work.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I had versions of this conversation roughly 30 times. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hello I’m ringing to enquire about a
position for my 8 month old baby and am willing to bake you cakes every day for
the next month if you can give me even a glimmer of hope?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Please fill out our waitlist application.
The current waiting period for babies under 12 months is 2 years. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How does that work because by then my baby
would be 2 years and 8 months?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well that’s good because the average waiting
period for children over 2 is a lot shorter. She’ll get a spot much sooner
then.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well that’s good except I’m due to start work
in a few weeks when she will be 9 months old. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The current waiting period for babies under
12 months is 2 years. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right. I see. Did you hear me promise you
cake????<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Turns out not even cake helps. After having this
conversation too many times it looked like a nanny might be the only option.
Except I then did the maths and it quickly looked like that was not a
particularly viable option. Nannies charge between $20 and $30 an hour, so even
hiring a nanny for 8 hours a day, 4 days a week, would cost $800 a week <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">after</i> tax. At this point I contemplated <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">becoming</i> a nanny myself to get paid
quite decent money to do what I already do day-in day-out FOR FREE. That was
fleeting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I then decided to investigate the circumstances in which the
childcare rebate is applicable to nannies. According to the various government
websites the childcare rebate is applicable to in-home carers in very limited
circumstances. (An in-home carer is essentially a nanny but nannies sound
expensive and luxurious so the government calls them ‘in-home carers’ and the
rules are they can mind children but do no housework. Actually I might try that
rule around here but I digress.) I rang to find out more. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hello, I’m just ringing to find out more about
the childcare rebate for in-home care. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The childcare rebate is applicable to in-home
care in very limited circumstances.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes, that’s what I keep reading. I’m quite
interested in what those circumstances might be?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Very limited.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right. Are you able to shed any light on
what those ‘very limited circumstances’ might be?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well for a start you have to prove you
cannot access other childcare. Have you rung any centres?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes, I have. I’ve called about 30 and there
are no positions and the average waiting period for a child under 12 months is very long. It's approximately two years which I still can’t get my head around but that's the way
it is. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well where do you live? I’ll have a look with
our search engine. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">[I gave them our suburb which, for context, is
in Sydney’s east.] <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right there’s a centre in Hunter’s Hill. Is
that near you?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ah no. That’s on the other side of the city.
<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well it’s less than 10 kilometres from you.</i>
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Possibly as a crow flies it is but I’m not a
crow and I can’t fly. In driving terms it may as well be 20 kilometres. Driving
a child from my house to Hunter’s Hill would take over an hour and I’d then
have to double back to get to work. I could then probably sit down and write
one email before I’d then have to get back in the car. It’s not feasible. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ok what about Cremorne? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Unfortunately again that’s not near where I
live or work. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them: </b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What</i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">
</b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">about Annandale?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Unfortunately again that’s not near where I
live or work. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">[This charade continued for a solid ten minutes.]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Does your database show centres with
vacancies or just where centres are located? <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them: </b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It just shows where they are. You’ll have to
call the centres individually to check vacancy.</i> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: </b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">See the problem is even if I did live in
Hunter’s Hill or Cremorne or Epping or Annandale I’m certain there would be a
queue of adorable babies, or at least their parents, beating those centres’
doors down just like I am doing at the centres near me. I have genuinely called all of the
facilities near us and there just aren’t positions available.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well do you having any relatives or parents
that could look after your children? Maybe you should look into that.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Oh gosh why didn’t I think of that?? Of
course!! I’ve got soooo many relatives and grandparents at a loose end, just
asking for something to do for 30 hours a week. This phone call is just a ruse
because, in my oodles of spare time, I just LOVE interacting with government
departments. I am just pretending to actually really need childcare so I could
call!!! Tricked you!! </i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No
unfortunately I don’t have that option. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Right well. You might need in-home care
then?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes. That’s why I rang. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In-home care is only available in Petersham.
Is that near you?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No it’s not. Gosh that seems extraordinarily
lucky for the residents of Petersham; they get in home care while the rest of
Sydney doesn’t? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Them:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In-home care is only available in very
limited circumstances. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Me:</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">So I hear.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I rang Petersham. Turns out in-home care is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not</i> only available to the residents of
Petersham. It’s just the office that administers in-home care across New South
Wales is <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">located </i>in Petersham. Heaven
forbid these agencies would be across such minor details! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Before my will to work had wilted entirely, by a giant
stroke of luck (the universe perhaps rewarding me for time lost on hold to
Family Services???), I managed to secure Miss L two days in a family daycare
centre that has just opened quite near us. I can’t imagine doing two separate
drop-offs and pick-ups is going to be particularly easy or fun but, in
combination with a nanny one and a half days per week, it will make it possible
for me to work. Which is, even after all of this, what I want.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This palaver might have been more amusing if it hadn’t been
quite so stressful. If it weren’t for the fact it kept me awake at night for
nearly a month. Or the fact it occupied me for about 3 hours a day for nearly a
month (which is basically every spare moment I have in a 24-hour block). Or the
fact luck is the only reason I can work. Or the fact it is barely worth my
while, in real dollar terms, to work. If it weren’t for any of those things, I might
find the situation slightly more amusing. It might not be funny but the
situation is a joke. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/what-i-wish-id-said-to-tony-abbott.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">If only I could orchestrate another chance meeting with
Tony Abbott or Kevin Rudd to nut this out.</span></a></span> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-8428799362263198512013-07-04T12:30:00.000+10:002013-07-04T12:30:13.496+10:00Pressing pause<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: black;">Oh look! It's Thursday!
This must mean yesterday was Wednesday, my regular blog posting day, and yet? I
haven't posted a thing. How cavalier of me. I must be on holidays! </span>If
you read <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/but-i-dont-want-to.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">my last post</span></a></span> you will probably realise
why this is a rather excellent state of affairs. I needed to mix things up and
some quality time with my village and my immediate clan has been just the
tonic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Stepping away from our regular life to take a breather has
been good for all of us. </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">It has reminded me of a </span><span style="color: #ff0080; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/holidays.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">holiday Mr G and I went on when Miss I was 10 months old</span></a></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">.
</span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">There are no similarities in scenery,
driving challenges, language barriers or food; we’re in Yamba now whereas back
then we visited </span><span style="color: #ff0080; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/hola.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Barcelona</span></a></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> and </span><span style="color: #ff0080; font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/bonjour.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the south of France</span></a></span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">. The trips couldn’t
be more different but both have reminded me that a holiday is any break from
the regular.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Spending two days inside with torrential rain teaming down
outside was positively delightful here because the four of us have nowhere to be and
nothing to do. There is no mad rush to get out the door or get showered or
battle traffic. We wake up, we play, we nap, we chat and we don’t battle
anything. Well except <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">our favourite terrorist</span></a></span> but even that’s
more enjoyable than usual because together we present a united front. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Getting a little bit of distance from my regular has given
me scope for perspective. It has dawned on me that we are in start up mode.
We’re not entrepreneurs trying to snare market share but in lots of ways our
brief is similar. We are building our family at the same time that we are
building our careers which means the pace is frantic and the conditions are not
that different to those facing the commercially-minded guys and girls who set
up shop. Capital is limited, resources are stretched and it’s labour intensive.
There’s a lot to do, not many people to do it and never enough time. It’s also
too early for us to outsource any of it. And, just like many committed
entrepreneurs, over the past few months Mr G and I have both been regularly
‘working’ through the night; he dashes to the hospital to repair various bits
and pieces while I’ve been up feeding (and willing) a baby to sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It’s hectic but all of this is ok because we’re in start up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">mode</i>. This is a phase as opposed to a
permanent state of affairs. Yes it’s a phase that might last 10 years, but by
then, hopefully much sooner, at least my overnight shifts will be a thing of
the past. More importantly though, taking this break has reminded me just how
important it is to take regular breaks. Surviving start up mode requires energy
and patience…and too long without a proper pause zaps that. So while last week I
said this holiday didn’t come a minute too soon, in actual fact it came a few
minutes too late. From now on I’m going to press pause more often. Speaking of which
it’s almost time for my nap! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">How do you press pause when a holiday isn’t feasible?</span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-8891111555398115412013-06-24T14:10:00.001+10:002013-06-24T14:10:47.665+10:00But I don't want to<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">So I’ve just endured a pretty average weekend. On the
surface it probably didn't look too bad. No one was sick, there were no major
disasters, no hellishly long nights. We even went out for dinner on Saturday
night which is usually enough to make me pretty happy. Not this time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Even thinking the things I am about to write I’m really
conscious that there are other people doing it tougher than I am. That other
people are dealing with actual problems. Like illness and grief and abusive
partners. Thankfully I am not burdened by any of those things at the moment but
even being thankful for that doesn’t insulate me from feeling like I’m doing it
tough. And that’s one of the strange things about life; whether it’s justified
or not, when you feel something, you feel it. And right now I feel like I’m not
coping. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Except, cruelly, ‘not coping’ is not an available option. The
only option on the only menu available to me is ‘keep going’. So I am putting
one foot in front of the other and I’m going through the motions but it’s
taking every bit of energy I have. At every turn my inner voice is on repeat;
‘But I don’t want to.’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What I am feeling right now is exactly what I feared I might
back when <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/stepping-up-to-growing-up.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Mr G started his new job.</span></a></span> For five
months I have held it together and staved this off. I have coped and while it
hasn’t always been easy, it certainly hasn’t always been hard. Right now,
though, it’s hard. And so I will share with you my sob story.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">(Please resist the urge to point out that others have better
sob stories; I know they do. But here I can share mine no matter how trivial
they are. And, to be perfectly honest, this one didn’t even feel particularly trivial.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was my birthday on Friday and I knew well in advance that
Mr G would be on call. His colleague was attending a not-negotiable course but
he managed to get Saturday night covered so we could go out for dinner. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/bits-and-pieces.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">When it comes to on call I have learned to keep my
expectations low</span></a></span>. I know that hoping the phone won’t ring or
hoping that Mr G will get out at a reasonable hour is the most likely way to ensure
those things don’t happen. So I try not to think about. But on Friday, it seems,
I had let some hope in. Not that he would necessarily be around for feeding and
bathing and bedding the girls, but that he’d be home at a decent hour, in time
for us to have a glass of wine and cook dinner together. He’d actually talked
all week about me going out to get a massage at 7pm so he could make a birthday
cake and cook dinner. I let hope in. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It meant that at 5.30pm when he rang to say he had to wait
around for an emergency case and was unlikely to get out before 8.30pm, the
weight of my hope crushed me. I think it was more than the hope from that day.
It was the cumulative effect of all the hope I have suppressed for five months.
The truth is, every night and every weekend, I secretly hope I will have my
friend around. I might have become adept at mostly hiding that hope even from
myself, but on Friday I could hide no more. I lost it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I was feeding the girls their dinner and I couldn’t stop
crying. I am no stranger to crying; I find it quite therapeutic but it doesn’t usually
happen in front of the girls. Miss I immediately asked “Mummy what wrong with
you?” The best I could do was return a line I’ve heard from her many times. “I
miss Daddy and want him to come home.” She replied with a line I’ve used many
times. “But Daddy say he will be really, really late tonight.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">He was and even though he arrived bearing gifts; Thai, wine
and the most thoughtful present* I’ve ever received, the floodgates had opened.
Once you realise you aren’t coping – or that you don’t want to cope anymore –
it’s hard to unrealise that. Particularly when it then pours with rain and your
husband has to work all weekend**. Happy days!!!! Not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The good news is I’m flying to my parents’ home tomorrow
where I will be doing a stellar impression of an adolescent with two much
younger siblings until the weekend. On the weekend I will resume my existence
as an adult and we’ll reunite with Mr G for a week together in Yamba. Not a
minute too soon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">* Mr G published the first two years of this blog into a
beautiful book complete with the funniest foreword ever written by <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/when-joyce-came-to-town.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Joyce</span></a></span>. If I obtain her permission I may
even publish it here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">**With the exception of Saturday night when we went out for
dinner. It was probably the worst meal we’ve ever had out in nine years. It really
wasn’t our weekend. </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-27375351077061752362013-06-18T21:27:00.004+10:002013-06-18T21:27:41.876+10:00What frogs eat<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I have learned many things since becoming a parent. I have
learned how to feed, swaddle and burp a newborn. I have learned that
self-settling is a vital skill to impart upon an infant no matter how
painstaking it is for the parents. I have learned that if there are plans in
the afternoon, a child will invariably sleep longer than usual. I have learned
that just as reliably the same children will cut their naps short if the diary
is empty. I have learned how to collapse multiple models of prams with one hand
and how to assemble, and disassemble, a travel cot in under a minute. I’ve also
come to learn just how much I don’t know. Actually it’s something of a
recurring lesson at the moment as I attempt to answer Miss I’s endless stream
of questions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Some, of course, are easy to answer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What I having my dinner
Mummy?” </i>Ravioli. (At least that’s the answer often enough.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why you stop driving
Mummy?”</i> Because it’s a red light and cars have to stop at red lights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why?”</i> Because
that’s the rule. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why rules?”</i> Well the
rules keep everyone safe. (Best not get bogged down in detail?) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why you driving now
Mummy?” </i>Because it’s a green light and cars have to drive at green lights. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why?”</i> Rules. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why rules?” </i>Are
you getting bored now???<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Then there are questions which I’m quite comfortable not knowing
the answer to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Where the postman
live?”</i> I’m not sure exactly where his home is but I’m pretty sure he
doesn’t want us to know. (Although, come to think of it, he quite clearly knows
where we live. Again best to avoid details?)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Where my teacher Anna
live?”</i> Same as above. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why Daddy a boy
Mummy? </i>He just is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What you having
dinner Mummy?”</i> Whatever our butler prepares.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Who our butler?” </i>A
happy figment of Mummy’s imagination. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What magination Mummy?” (</i>Schoolgirl error. I walked right into that.) Would you like ravioli for
dinner? <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The questions that trouble me though are the ones I think
I ought reasonably know the answers to. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why the sky blue?”</i>
Errr, something to do with light and reflection. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What frogs eat?”
Errrr, </i>lillipads?<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">? </i>(I’m really
not sure).<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Where the butterflies
sleep?”</i> In the trees. (At least I think so??)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“What’s that?” </i>Your shadow.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i>"What a shadow?"</i> Errr, light and reflection again. Would you like ravioli for dinner?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why Lulu crying
Mummy? </i>Hmmm...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why the trees no
leaves?” </i>Well it’s winter and some trees lose their leaves during winter.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Why?” </i>Well, you see, when it gets cold...would you like a cupcake?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The problem, as I currently see it, is that her questions,
and eventually Miss L’s, are only going to get harder. I'm not going to know the answers and ravioli might not always distract them effectively. (Though I imagine cupcakes always will.) I will be able to easily guide them through
reading and basic maths. I will be able to talk them through <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/what-i-wish-id-said-to-tony-abbott.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">government policy on childcare</span></a></span>, explain
<span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/a-brand-in-crisis.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">why their father is a feminist</span></a></span>, why <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/08/unlikely-topic.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I think sport matters</span></a></span> and why <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/routine-household-disputes.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">keeping windows open does <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">not</b> let the heat in</span></a></span>. I might never be able to
explain why <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/royal-snub.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I wasn’t invited to the Royal wedding</span></a></span>
but I will be able to <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/ordinary-couples-extraordinary-day.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">describe the wedding in fantastic detail</span></a></span>.
Should they accept it I have plenty of knowledge to impart; from my <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/a-practical-philosophy.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">parenting philosophies</span></a></span> to <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/f-is-for-first-world-problem.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">dealing with the dishwasher</span></a></span> to <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/04/eve-and-adam.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">massive generalisations on the basis of gender</span></a></span>.
So there’s a bit I think I can add. But. Notwithstanding my <s>profound wisdom</s>
sound knowledge base I fear there is much more that I cannot explain than I
can. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">My grasp on the intricacies of the animal kingdom is tenuous.
At best. I’m not particularly well informed about basic biology or weather
patterns. I don’t know how planes fly or cars drive or how electricity works. I
know nothing about plumbing or drains or town planning. I can’t build or
renovate or even paint. There’s heaps of stuff I just don’t know. So I’m
curious; how will our girls overcome the limits of my knowledge? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Of course there are other people who can teach them. Their dad,
Mr G, for example is particularly practical and well versed in subjects I am
not. Between us we cover some ground but Mr G isn’t always here. So when the
questions come through about the Boer war or why towns were settled at the base
of hills or why the tv isn’t working, chances are they’ll be stuck with me. And
I won’t know the answer. And if it's the tv question Mr G won't know either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">School, of course, will help but that’s at least
two years away. I can only imagine how many questions I will field before then
and, knowing Miss I, I’m doubtful “Why don’t you wait til you get to school?”
will cut it. It’s another reason I think
children need as much exposure to a <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/village-people.html" target="_blank">village of people</a> (preferably with differing areas of expertise) as possible. Broaden the
net and just hope that when the tricky questions come they’re posed to the
right person. On that note does anyone want to volunteer to be a friend on the
phone? Just nominate a category of knowledge and I’ll keep you on file. By all means
put me on your own file. I'm available for questions on: royalty, childcare
and rocky road. </span></span><!--EndFragment-->Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-56630830031453997932013-06-12T14:38:00.002+10:002013-06-12T20:06:58.392+10:00The fraud of Facebook<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I love Facebook. I love that it keeps me updated with family
and friends and I love that it lets family and friends stay updated with me. It
might not replace real-life interactions but I love that it makes small
connections possible when lengthy catch-ups aren’t. I can’t easily fly to
America or Hong Kong or England but I can easily ‘like’ a picture or comment on
a status and let a friend know they’re in my thoughts if not my diary. And vice
versa. That might sound anti-social but it’s also life and that’s the reason
I’d say Facebook enhances mine; it facilitates friendships when distance
or time might otherwise not. While I have no hesitation in saying that I enjoy it I also
recognise it as a fraud. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I’ve thought this many times but a few weekends ago it hit
me once again. We had just celebrated Miss I’s third birthday. It was the
happiest birthday party imaginable. The sun shined and Miss I was beside
herself to spend a few hours at the park with a handful of her lovely little
friends with unlimited access to chocolate crackles, cupcakes and a Peppa Pig
birthday cake. (And, as requested, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/balloons-bubbles-and-ballet-shoes.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Balloons, bubbles and ballet shoes</span></a></span>.) That
night a friend sent through a photo she’d taken of our little family during the
cake-cutting. The four of us are smiling away and there is real joy in our
eyes. I posted it on Facebook as a memento of the day and then a day or so later,
the fraud, hit me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The lovely smiley family picture itself isn’t contrived and doesn’t,
on its own, tell a lie. It captured a moment of joy as it happened. It wasn’t
airbrushed and it wasn’t even posed. The fraud though is that it only tells <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">part</i> of the story; the happiest part.
I’ll tell you what it didn’t capture. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It didn’t show that we’d been up all night with Miss L. That
we were in the midst of a bitter week-long battle to wean her off her
night-time feeds. And, off the back of seven months of broken sleep, a
week-long battle, hosted in the wee hours of the night or morning or whatever
you call it, is shattering. It is not remotely enjoyable. It is a breeding
ground for <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/routine-household-disputes.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">irrational marital disputes</span></a></span>. (Come to
think of it any dispute, marital or otherwise, that occurs between the hours of
11pm and 5am is probably not steeped in reason is it?) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">It was a hellish week. Friday effectively started at 4.30am which
was bad enough without an unpleasant encounter with our otherwise kind
neighbour who at 7am expressed her, quite legitimate, disapproval with Miss L
and myself. I was so far from loving life in that moment it wasn’t funny. Throw
in trying to organise a party, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/06/a-new-agenda.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">waiting for job news</span></a></span>, a hectic week at
work for Mr G, a small insurance issue and the rest… So for a variety of,
mostly sleep-deprived, reasons we’d had a pretty tense old week.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But if you <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i>
saw that smiley happy birthday picture, and had escaped the misfortune of
actually talking to me that day, you might not know that. You might look at
that photo and think family life looks pretty terrific. Which is fine because,
as that photo shows, there are lots of times when family life <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> pretty terrific. But it’s only part
of the picture. The good bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And that is Facebook to a tee: just the good bits of the picture.
Which is fine when it’s taken that way; when you realise the happy smiley
photos are the happy smiley moments. The fraud begins if you start to think it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> the whole picture. That the absence
of photos of couples bickering or babies crying through the night or a
frustrated mother stuck at home with a temperamental toddler or a person
battling with a bullying boss or feeling sick or just going through the
motions, is because those things aren’t happening. They’re happening. They’re
just not on Facebook. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There is never a time when I think the discrepancy between
real life and Facebook is more obvious than when someone has a baby. If you had
never met someone with a baby and just peered through albums of new mothers and
fathers with their tiny babies on Facebook it’s entirely possible you’d get
yours home and think there’d been a huge mistake. Crying??? They don’t cry on
Facebook! They just lie there, swaddled, looking completely serene and
blissful. </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Un-showered??? But those mums on Facebook always look
completely serene and blissful and showered!!! Bored??? No-one told me that
lying on the floor doing tummy time would occasionally make me so bored I’m
batty. Fighting??? What on earth would we argue about? We’ve got a beautiful
baby!! Isn’t that all we ever need???</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">The point is not that anyone sets out to be misleading. It’s
just that the irritating and tricky parts of life don’t photograph particularly
well. The result is Facebook is life airbrushed. It’s the happiest moments
captured in the most flattering photos devoid of drudgery. Over at FB I’m as
guilty of that as anyone else but here, in words, I can shatter that illusion. Not that you'd be under any such illusion if you read this but the truth is my life is sometimes boring and tricky. How could I take a picture of that??<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">What are your thoughts on the book of face?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-40767941633156363352013-06-05T09:53:00.001+10:002013-06-05T09:53:11.323+10:00A new agenda<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This blog is obviously quite personal. I do, when factors
conspire in my favour, write about things that are much bigger and more
interesting than my little life. On occasion I have written about topics
including <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/01/expressions-of-harm.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">equality</span></a></span>, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/shameful-conduct.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">shameful conduct in the Catholic Church</span></a></span>
and <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/why-im-not-saying-sorry-for-f-word.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the importance of feminism</span></a></span>. But, most
of the time, regular readers will attest, I write about my little life.
Sometimes <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">in great detail</span></a></span> and <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/conceding-defeat.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">sometimes from afar</span></a></span>. It always depends
on what strikes me when the time to write presents itself and then again when
the time to publish, and fiddle about with the backend of a blog, arises. (Those
two things rarely happen in the same sitting.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I don’t ever think too much about what I should or shouldn’t
write about. The only definite limitations on allowable subject matter are Mr
G’s single stipulation, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/naming-rights.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">that I do not identify him by name</span></a></span>, and
not wanting this to be a forum to offend or embarrass anyone. Other than myself
obviously. But, week to week, I guess I do make little subconscious judgement
calls about what I share and what I don’t. To be honest there’s not a huge
amount I don’t share. If you were to read this blog regularly you would have a
pretty accurate understanding of what’s happening in this particular part of
the world at any given time. Albeit with a two week time lag (and devoid of any
highly offensive thoughts that may have crossed my mind in the given period).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">But this week there is no such lag. I have some news, and whilst
on the one hand I can’t shake the sense that it might be completely self-absorbed
to share it, on the other hand I can’t really not. Because aside from anything
else there’s quite a bit I need to workshop with you and it’s going to have
some repercussions here. I have got a new job!!! In a bit over a month I will
become the acting editor of a <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://www.womensagenda.com.au/"><span style="color: #ff0080;">fantastic website</span></a></span></b> that I hope you
will start frequenting soon, if you don’t already. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">None of my excitement about this new job stems from not <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/three-ingredients.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">loving my old job</span></a></span>. Au contraire. The
day I finished work before having Miss L I thought, and later wrote, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/cold-watermelon-and-maternity-leave.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">how lucky I was to be leaving a job I enjoyed so much</span></a></span>.
To me the fact I felt sad to be bidding my role and my workmates a temporary
farewell spoke volumes about my affection for that job. Having experienced both
<span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/09/shifting-what.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">career dissonance</span></a></span> and <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/05/compromising-situation.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">a period of brutal unemployment</span></a></span> (save
for a few <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/06/selling-cars-is-not-my-cup-of-tea.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">soul destroying temporary roles</span></a></span>) I sincerely
appreciate the incredible fortune in having a job that provides enjoyment and
fulfilment. (In addition to the other more obvious benefits of steady
employment: regular income and, every working parent’s favourite pleasure, the
opportunity to drink a coffee uninterrupted.) It is a lottery that I was lucky
to win. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I realise I’m possibly tempting fate by giving something
else a go but nothing ventured nothing gained. At least I hope so!! It is a
little bit scary but also a big bit exciting. It means, once I start, I will be
writing less about my little life here but I’ll be writing more about the bigger
stuff over there. In the meantime I am getting myself closely acquainted with
the finer details of the childcare shortage. <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/05/what-i-wish-id-said-to-tony-abbott.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I REALLY should have spoken to Mr Abbott when I had the
chance</span></a>!!</span></span><o:p></o:p></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-55658392362074286122013-05-29T10:00:00.000+10:002013-05-29T10:00:44.268+10:00A practical philosophy<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I always think it’s funny the little things my mind holds on to. Sometimes
I struggle to remember what I said, or did, even a week ago but then there are things, often quite incidental things, that I can still clearly recall ten
years on. One random tidbit that falls into the latter category is a theory I remember hearing about at uni. For reasons that baffle me I have always remembered one
chap’s philosophy on the law. I’m hazy on the whom and the when and whether anyone else agreed
but I know that one prominent philosopher concluded that the difference between
anarchy and civilisation is the rule of law. Now to be perfectly honest, since
the time I learned of that theory, roughly a decade ago, I haven’t had the cause
or inclination to give it any further thought. That is, until
Friday a few weeks ago. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">You see on that particular Friday I was reminded of it as I undertook a
little philosophising of my own. My conclusion is slightly different. You see in
the life of a stay at home parent, doing a long solo shift, the difference
between anarchy and civilisation is a little more tangible than the rule of
law. It boils down to this simple formula.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>Civilisation<o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>=<o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>5 minutes at the start of day, ideally before 9am, for a shower during which time there are only happy background noises audible. These include Playschool, Peppa Pig, a chatty toddler or a cooing baby. Shrieking, crying and yelling are not happy background noises. <o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>+<o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>20 minutes, at a bare minimum, in the middle of day where all minors
are asleep at the same time or, at the very least, quiet in their places of
rest<o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b>+<o:p></o:p></b></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><b> 5 minutes, at a bare minimum, between
5.30pm and 6pm where the carer has both* hands free (which is only achievable when
no minor is demanding to be held) to assemble dinner.</b><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Profound work isn’t it? Now when critiquing my theory, which
I know you will, please keep a few things in mind. As I said this applies to a
parent doing a long solo shift; for example where between the hours of 6.30am and 7pm there
is no chance, whatsoever, of another adult responsible for the same children by blood, being present. Please also keep in mind that this is the baseline. The
absolute bare minimum required to ensure a parent’s mental health is not too
badly compromised come bedtime. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Obviously I could throw in variables like “Toddler
plays happily for 40 minutes with her blocks whilst baby sleeps allowing parent
to attend to the sadly neglected housekeeping and feel a semblance of practical achievement before lunchtime” or “Both baby and toddler sleep for 2 hours simultaneously” or “No offspring engage in particularly maddening
conduct”. Of course those variables do happen and, naturally, are the stuff that
parenting dreams are made of. But we’re not talking dreams today. My theory
centres on the borderline. When a solo parent is teetering on the edge, just
one small tantrum away from insanity. Or, civilisation and anarchy as that unknown philosopher put it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Helpfully, after much philosophising, I can say with
certainty that the difference between staying perched on the edge of sanity and
crashing right over into more treacherous terrain, is when those three elements
don’t come together. Because when each of those things fail to occur in a
single day, well, it’s a little bit catastrophic. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">By way of contrast, when they do occur, regardless of the day’s
trials and tribulations, the results are fantastic. By ‘fantastic’ I mean you will
have a parent who, at the end of the day, might sip a glass of wine with some
satisfaction rather than being completely overwhelmed with a primal urge to down
a bottle of scotch, despite disliking scotch, in a single hit and then rock quietly in the foetal position in the
corner. Of course it’s just a theory. Feel free to pick it to pieces or give it
a whirl. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">Do you have any practical philosophies to share? They need
not relate to parenting. I’m rather interested in theories that make any
aspect of life easier.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">*I am continually astonished at the number of tasks that
can, when push comes to shove, be completed with one hand. But. I do find the
assembling of even the most basic dinner requires both hands for at least a few
moments. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-56447939455436266602013-05-22T10:52:00.002+10:002013-05-22T14:17:33.152+10:00Balloons, bubbles and ballet shoes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">This weekend marks the third birthday of the inimitable Miss
I. How this has happened is quite beyond me. I can remember <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/06/two-little-lines.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">learning of her existence like it was yesterday</span></a></span>.
I remember my tummy growing with her and, lord only knows, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/pangs-of-envy.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">I will always remember giving birth to her</span></a></span>.
In the three years that have passed since that long day my world has changed
irrevocably. So while I can vividly remember so many milestones – <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/and-then-she-was-two.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">big and small</span></a></span> - in Miss I’s life I can
barely recall life before her. I vaguely remember what it was like to wake up
and not have a little person, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/then-three-became-four.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">or two</span></a></span>, to look after but I forget how
that felt or worked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Around here I make a point of being really honest about
living <s>in a zoo</s> with small children. I tell you how it feels to flirt
with the <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/hitting-hurdles.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">possibility that you’re raising a violent sociopath</span></a></span>
or <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/tiny-terrorists.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">rearing a raging terrorist</span></a></span>. I tell you
that <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/02/a-battle-in-urban-jungle.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">there are times when I feel like I’m doing it all wrong</span></a></span>
and I tell you when I realise that, maybe, <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/words-from-stranger.html" target="_blank">I’m doing some bits right</a></span>. What I
don’t always tell you is that I am in the throes of a mad love affair. That on
a daily basis my heart rushes with so much love that it is both thrilling and
terrifying. That I am often overwhelmed, in the best possible way, by it. My love for Miss I and Miss L knows
no bounds; it is visceral and raw and physical and lovely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">There have been so many moments throughout the past three
years where I’ve concluded, either quietly on my own or in conversation with Mr
G, that I couldn’t possibly ever love Miss I more than I did in that particular
moment in time. That my heart would never again melt in a moment quite like
that or that nothing would ever make my soul sing like she did that one time. That
she would never again make me laugh quite so much. And yet those moments keep coming. My heart melts, my soul sings and I keep laughing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><span style="color: #ff0080;"><span style="color: #ff0080;">W<a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2011/05/uninhibited-and-dangerous.html">hen Miss I turned one</a></span></span> I thought my
love for her had formed and was, in a sense, complete. It wasn’t. This weekend
she’s turning three and the truth is my love has grown more than she has,
which, in lots of ways, is even scarier than housing a terrorist in training. It
is every parent’s prerogative to see the absolute best in their children so
take this with a grain (or kilo) of salt. There are days when I watch Miss I
and I wonder what on earth we did to deserve her. (The wonderful irony, of course, being the other times when I wonder the same thing "What did I do to deserve this??" in a completely different vain.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">She is a headstrong toddler <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/05/where-is-my-manual.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">who regularly drives me to despair</span></a></span> but
she also has this spark of life that I never want to live without. She is fun
and funny and doesn’t miss a beat. If I could I would bottle her up and sell her around the world just so others could share in the comedy that is life with
Miss I. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">If I change so much as my socks, let alone my shoes or
earrings, without her counsel, she immediately asks, “Why you change that
Mummy?” eyeing me up and down, obviously disapproving of the fact she wasn’t
consulted. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I use my angry voice to ask her to stop doing something she
almost always retorts back, in exactly my tone, “Mummy, you don’t talk to me
like that! I get cross when you no listen to me.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I accidentally put vegemite on her toast one morning
when she said she didn’t want it and for the next four nights, as I kiss her
goodnight, she cautions me urgently, “Mummy next time you no use vegemite
otay?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When we’re in the car and Miss L is crying loudly enough
that neighbouring cars are probably concerned and Miss I yells out “MUMMY!!
LULU’s CRYING MUMMY!!” as if I might not be aware. And then says “Oh. Otay”
when I indicate I am in fact aware of the crying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When she overheard me say to Mr G I’d had a frustrating
morning at the post office and she said “Mummy maybe you go to the hopidal and
feel better?”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When she watched the garbage truck come and collect our rubbish and says "Let's ring Daddy and I tell him all about it."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When I pass her a bowl of porridge and she says "Really good sharing Mummy."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">When we leave the shops after buying milk and she says "Mummy! Maybe we forgot to get me a cake?"</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Or when I put Peppa Pig on tv for her and she says "Good boy Mummy."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Or my current favourite melting moment when she cuddled me
and whispered “I love you the whole world Mummy.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I could go on and on but the short of it is the past three
years have been something else. This birthday is particularly exciting here at
NABM HQ because, for the first time, Miss I is completely aware of the occasion. She's known her birthday is in May for quite some time and has been telling everyone "My birfday coming up really noon." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">We’re having a small party in the park and for weeks Miss
I’s stipulations have been the same. She wants balloons, bubbles and ballet shoes.
And a Peppa Pig birthday cake but that doesn’t start with B. What fun. </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-20285371940616283422013-05-16T15:23:00.000+10:002013-05-16T15:23:48.482+10:00F is for First World Problem
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New";">This is a small
community service announcement to be filed under F, for ‘First World Problems’.
The other afternoon I found myself caught up in one of my quarterly home
tidying rampages. If you’re astute, which we both know you are, you can
probably spot the problem immediately. Quarterly is clearly not often enough.
If I had these rampages daily, well, they probably wouldn’t be rampages would
they? They would just be tidying my
house. The problem is I feel like I tidy my house all day anyway. It’s just never
perfectly tidy. There is always stuff. There’s always a basket of laundry to be
hung, or folded or put away. There is ALWAYS something soaking in a bucketful
of napi-san. There are always books out, blocks scattered and pairs of my
heels* lying around. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Usually I just
potter about and tidy as the day goes on but the trouble is that the minute I
turn my back to tidy one mess another mess, or three, magically transpires.
This is, of course, called life with kids and I find generally it’s easier to
acquiesce and just accept there will be some level of clutter at pretty much
all times. Which is mostly fine except for when I embark upon one of my
quarterly rampages and do my best impression of a captain in the army or school
principal marching about the place in utter disgust. When this happened the
other evening the kitchen was at the top of my hitlist. My issue, or one of my
issues to be strictly accurate, was with the, er, dishwasher. (This is where we
start to swim in serious first world problem seas.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New";">My first world problem
is that our dishwasher doesn’t dry anything that is plastic. And, because we
live with two small children, at any given time our dishwasher is likely to be
stacked at a ratio of one piece of crockery to six pieces of plastic. So every
time I unstack the dishwasher, at least once a day, I need to stack three
quarters of the load on the drying rack. But the drying rack is inevitably
still stacked with other pieces of plastic that still haven’t dried yet because
the drying rack isn’t big enough to fit all of it. I then have to dry some by
hand to make room for the next load and it feels like I handle each piece
approximately eight times before it can be put back in the drawer. It’s just
another mini-arena in <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/tetris-family-challenge.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">The Tetris Family Challenge</span></a></span> but
occasionally, or quarterly to be specific, it DRIVES ME BONKERS. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New";">Anyway after my
rampage we went across the bridge to have dinner with some friends. During our
delicious meal (served on dishwasher friendly crockery) I casually, but
seriously, raised my wet plastic dilemma. You can imagine how enthralled our
friends were. <i>“Gosh this Georgie’s a
hoot! I mean the things she does and sees!! Her dinner party chat is gold
standard!”</i> Anyway our host Belinda was not only kind enough not to ask me
to leave immediately but she also came up with a solution. Open the dishwasher
and pull out the shelves in the morning and by midday they’ll be dry with no
triple handling. And it works! GENIUS! So genius that I wanted to share it in
case any of you are “struggling” (in fine first world style) with the same
problem I was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New";">While I’m talking
about this particular group of friends I also have to mention my friend <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="https://twitter.com/Sally_Robertson"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Sally</span></a></span>. She had her first beautiful baby
a month before I had Miss L and has recently joined the blogging fray. She is
funny and clever and is <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://clucker.com.au/"><span style="color: #ff0080;">now blogging here</span></a></span>.
Drop by and say hi. (And ask her to whip up that raspberry, almond and chocolate
cake she made last week). <span style="color: #ff0080;"><span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://clucker.com.au/baby/my-federal-budget-verdict-lets-all-move-to-sweden/">She’ll even tell you why she was on the news yesterday.</a></span><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #ff0080;"><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Do you have any first world problems you need solved? I'm sure Belinda will have a solution!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Courier New';">*My heels are, sadly,
not scattered around because I’ve been wearing them but because my ‘party shoes’
are Miss I’s number one item of choice in our whole house. </span><span style="font-family: 'Courier New';"> </span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8741790583017909913.post-11719718484423294262013-05-15T12:03:00.000+10:002013-05-15T12:03:38.311+10:00Rich perspective<br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">I love reading. Newspapers. Books. Websites. Magazines. Blogs. Where there are words my eyes are happy to follow. I particularly like it when my eyes happen upon a bunch of words that change the way I’m thinking or feeling. This happened last week when I read this article that <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="https://twitter.com/rachelhills"><span style="color: #ff0080;">Rachel Hills</span></a></span> <a href="http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/is-there-such-a-thing-as-the-privileged-poor-20130508-2j731.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">wrote about the privileged poor</span></a>. It made me realise that I have been carrying on like entitled royalty. Not out aloud or anything. There have been no tears over tiaras and no tantrums because no one will buy me a pony. My entitled princess tendencies are (mostly) invisible to bystanders. Actually, until now, they’ve been mostly invisible to me too. They’ve been quietly embedded in my psyche and I’d like to thank Hills for forcing me to burrow them out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Rachel wrote about the growing number of Australians who consider themselves to be struggling despite being quite well off. She makes the point that it’s become quite commonplace to cry ‘poor’ when something even quite discretionary – a night out, a trip away, a new outfit – is out of reach. In her words:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;"><i><span style="background-color: white; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #222222; font-size: 11.5pt;">“The result is … either you are “poor” and poised on the edge of bankruptcy, or you are “comfortable” and you never have to think about money at all. But being middle-class doesn't mean never needing to make a choice about what you spend your money on. It means having the wiggle room to choose in the first place.”</span></i><i><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Reading that I realised that I’d fallen into that very trap. Of believing that I’m poor because I constantly juggle what we can and can’t afford. Last year I wrote about <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/09/money-matters.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">the inevitable stress that arises when there is little difference between incomings and unavoidable outgoings.</span></a><span style="color: #ff0080;"> </span>A small change in our fiscal favour made a huge difference to my peace of mind and I was determined not to let it go. I let it go. A few things have obviously changed in the interim; <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/then-three-became-four.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">having a second baby</span></a></span> and <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/10/cold-watermelon-and-maternity-leave.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">being on maternity leave</span></a></span> have certainly had an impact in strict budgetary terms. Regardless of the specific trigger for a while now I’ve been begrudging the fact I have to watch where every dollar goes. I dislike feeling stressed about money. I don’t like constantly doing sums in my head and having to say no to things because our bank balance won’t stretch that far. I hate receiving unexpected bills and I dream of <a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2012/04/balancing-trolley.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">doing the groceries without a strict budget looming large</span></a>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now taken on their own I don’t think any of those admissions are particularly ugly. I doubt anyone <i>likes</i> worrying about money. The trouble is somewhere along the line it seems I developed the misguided assumption that I shouldn’t <i>have</i> to host those worries. So worse than just disliking a tight fiscal policy I’ve been feel slightly affronted by having to run one. Now I realise that sentence is not particularly pretty. It was actually tougher to type and share with you than it was to admit to myself. I honestly hadn’t realised I was thinking that way but Hills’ article made me see the error at the root of my discontent. Once I spotted it, in all of its unfettered privileged glory, I could challenge it. Because I’m so far from poor it is ridiculous. Having to be careful with money doesn’t make me poor; it makes me not rich. And there’s a big difference. I’m slightly ashamed but very grateful it took Rachel’s words for me to see that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">And I’ll be frank about my gratitude; it’s not entirely altruistic. While it’s confronting to realise I’ve been thinking like an entitled princess it’s also liberating. Because feeling hard done by, even just subconsciously, isn’t nice. And while I know, in all consciousness, that I’m not hard done by, I had fallen into the trap of thinking that in the fiscal department I am. I’m not. I don’t own a home or have a whopping nest egg but I also never have to worry about not being able to afford rent or not being able to feed the girls or pay our bills. Who knew that realising I’m not rich would make me feel so rich?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace;">Now that I’ve made <span style="color: #ff0080;"><a href="http://notanotherbloggingmother.blogspot.com.au/2013/04/conceding-defeat.html"><span style="color: #ff0080;">yet another unflattering confession</span></a></span> can one of you please – even anonymously – share something you say or do or think that’s not ideal?? It’s in the circle of trust! </span></div>
Not Another Blogging Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03546146566975662742noreply@blogger.com4