Living on a see-saw

Someone who reads this blog recently confessed that reading it makes her not want to have children. In fairness she said she finds the whole idea of parenting quite frightening anyway, but, even still I was sad to hear my words have had that effect. Like every parent I know I am constantly amazed and overwhelmed by my love for Miss I. She blows me away. She is only two but the two years since she made her foray into this wild old world have, hands down, been the most rewarding, rich and happy of my life.

As I suspect is the case with all toddlers a day doesn’t go by that isn’t enriched with more joy than you could ever imagine. And I don’t mean joy in an abstract fashion. I mean joy that manifests itself daily in all manner of simple ways and is blissfully inescapable; toddlers live every moment the way greeting cards encourage us all too. They dance like no-one is watching and they sing like no-one is listening but of course if there is an audience they’re happier still. Their love and affection knows no bounds nor does their constant quest to seek out fun and laughter. Whether it’s a tap in the park, a watering can in the garden or discovering a funny new word like ‘smelly’, they’re capable of squeezing every ounce of life out of it. And it’s a pretty fabulous journey to be part of.

I feel utterly blessed to have Miss I in my life and I could write about that week in, week out, but I don’t for a few reasons. For one thing, I suspect I would lose your interest very quickly if I posted about the love, joy and wonder Miss I unfailingly brings to every day. Because it happens in much the same way. Every day. And that would make for a very repetitious blog. And, aside from getting repetitive, writing glowing reports about Miss I every week would overlook two glaring realities of parenting.

First, I don’t expect the whole world to rejoice in my darling girl’s every milestone the way Mr G and I do. Fortunately I can spare you those details because, instead, we subject grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends to whenever they’re within earshot. Secondly, as every parent knows, the flipside to the highly charged mini love affair that is raising toddlers is the hard stuff. I didn’t study physics but I suspect it’s the whole “for every action there’s a reaction” dynamic at play.

Daily life takes on a greater intensity when living with a little person. It just does. There are mornings when simply sharing a bowl of weetbix is the funniest, most entertaining ten minutes of your day courtesy of your toddler’s delightful mood. There are other mornings when sharing weetbix is like some form of torture, where the weetbix are the wrong shape, the milk’s come from the wrong bottle, the bowl is wrong, the spoon is wrong, the cup is wrong and ten minutes very quickly feels like three hours. This funny little see-saw act somehow just becomes a way of life.

And truthfully? It is frustrating at times. I don’t say that to fear monger or put any one off having kids. I say it because, for me, it’s the way it is and to say otherwise would be disingenuous. But it would be equally disingenuous to say that the see-saw makes me question having children. It doesn’t. Not even close.

One of the extraordinary twists I’ve discovered about parenting is that the hard bits, the tough days and the impossible moments, are powerless in the face of my love. At times Miss I is incredibly effective at testing my patience, challenging my sanity and even compromising my perspective, but, somehow nothing she ever does gets close to my love. It’s immutable. Absolute and unchallengeable. And an absolute pleasure. It is completely different to romantic love but falling in love with a little person is every bit as lovely. And it comes with the added bonus of them unashamedly worshipping the space you occupy*. There is a photograph of Mr G and I in Miss I’s bedroom and no words will ever do her reaction to it justice; she lights up as if she is carrying the secret to life, love and endless happiness right there in the palms of her hands.  

That look alone is enough to make me recommend having children to anyone who wants them in a heartbeat. You will be astounded. Daily. Having said that, I’m not sure making any decision about childrearing on the basis of this blog alone, is wise. I am but one mother in this big world and as we explored recently I am not exactly a pin up for how it is done.  But I wouldn’t change that for the world.

*I am aware this window is limited. I believe in years to come “worship” may be the polar opposite of Miss I’s reaction to any space I occupy. Until that day, however, I will drink up her adoration while it lasts.