How have parents not unionised?

There are many things in this world I find quite astonishing. The fact that in Sydney you can spend $1 million on a slice of real estate and not receive a garage never fails to baffle me. Similarly, that a society can be so wholly dependent upon technology yet setting up broadband internet remains a punishing and insurmountable feat for otherwise competent and educated mortals, shocks me. That someone ever discovered that separating the yolk and the white of an egg, and subjecting the components to various processes could yield magical things like meringues and mousse, amazes me.

Truly, all manner of things genuinely surprise me. But, if I had to single out one state of affairs that consistently astounds me, above and beyond all else, it is this. The fact that as a workforce parents are yet to unionise. Think about it. The working conditions that parents are subject to by their very small employers are burdensome.  

There is no doubt that in some sectors and some areas working conditions in Australia could be improved dramatically. Generally speaking though when you consider the basic rights Australian employees are entitled to and compare it with the conditions parents face on the frontline, it’s startling.  

Reasonable working hours? How does 24-7 sound?

Annual leave? You’re kidding.

A weekend? Absolutely not. 

Freedom from physical harassment? Unlikely.

Freedom from bullying, intimidation or generally unsavoury behaviour from your tiny bosses? Have you met a toddler?

A workplace free from hazards? Cannot be guaranteed. Actually, it can be guaranteed. Your bosses will place physical and emotional “hazards” in your way, usually several.   

A stress-free working environment? You might get glimpses but chances are you’ll be sleeping through those moments. Unless, of course, it’s one of those shifts where not even nightfall brings sleep in which case “stress-free” isn’t even close to the right postcode as an accurate label for workplace conditions.

Noise pollution? In. Sane.

Reasonable remuneration? No.

Any remuneration? Afraid not.

Bathroom breaks? No.

A lunch break? No.

Reimbursement for expenses reasonably incurred in this line of work? No.

Any recourse to a manager, an HR representative or an ombudsman to report unsatisfactory treatment? No.

So I’ll ask again. HOW HAVE PARENTS NOT UNIONISED AGAINST CHILDREN??? We’re meant to be the ones with the power! With the (albeit rapidly diminishing) money! Over the years employees have successfully fought rich and powerful employers for things like penalty rates, extended periods of paid leave and even guaranteed salary increases, so how is it that parents haven’t even secured themselves a weekend off once a month??? 

It’s mindboggling. At least it is until I take a moment to reflect on the practicalities of negotiating any type of agreement with my tiny terrorists. There have been days in recent memory when securing six months’ paid annual leave from Rupert Murdoch would pale compared to getting my pair out the door. Which is why the workplace conditions for parents are unlikely to ever change. Nevertheless it astounds me.

What blows your mind?