A practical philosophy

I always think it’s funny the little things my mind holds on to. Sometimes I struggle to remember what I said, or did, even a week ago but then there are things, often quite incidental things, that I can still clearly recall ten years on. One random tidbit that falls into the latter category is a theory I remember hearing about at uni. For reasons that baffle me I have always remembered one chap’s philosophy on the law. I’m hazy on the whom and the when and whether anyone else agreed but I know that one prominent philosopher concluded that the difference between anarchy and civilisation is the rule of law. Now to be perfectly honest, since the time I learned of that theory, roughly a decade ago, I haven’t had the cause or inclination to give it any further thought. That is, until Friday a few weeks ago.

You see on that particular Friday I was reminded of it as I undertook a little philosophising of my own. My conclusion is slightly different. You see in the life of a stay at home parent, doing a long solo shift, the difference between anarchy and civilisation is a little more tangible than the rule of law. It boils down to this simple formula.

Civilisation

=

5 minutes at the start of day, ideally before 9am, for a shower during which time there are only happy background noises audible. These include Playschool, Peppa Pig, a chatty toddler or a cooing baby. Shrieking, crying and yelling are not happy background noises. 

+

20 minutes, at a bare minimum, in the middle of day where all minors are asleep at the same time or, at the very least, quiet in their places of rest

+

 5 minutes, at a bare minimum, between 5.30pm and 6pm where the carer has both* hands free (which is only achievable when no minor is demanding to be held) to assemble dinner.

Profound work isn’t it? Now when critiquing my theory, which I know you will, please keep a few things in mind. As I said this applies to a parent doing a long solo shift; for example where between the hours of 6.30am and 7pm there is no chance, whatsoever, of another adult responsible for the same children by blood, being present. Please also keep in mind that this is the baseline. The absolute bare minimum required to ensure a parent’s mental health is not too badly compromised come bedtime. 

Obviously I could throw in variables like “Toddler plays happily for 40 minutes with her blocks whilst baby sleeps allowing parent to attend to the sadly neglected housekeeping and feel a semblance of practical achievement before lunchtime” or “Both baby and toddler sleep for 2 hours simultaneously” or “No offspring engage in particularly maddening conduct”. Of course those variables do happen and, naturally, are the stuff that parenting dreams are made of. But we’re not talking dreams today. My theory centres on the borderline. When a solo parent is teetering on the edge, just one small tantrum away from insanity. Or, civilisation and anarchy as that unknown philosopher put it. 

Helpfully, after much philosophising, I can say with certainty that the difference between staying perched on the edge of sanity and crashing right over into more treacherous terrain, is when those three elements don’t come together. Because when each of those things fail to occur in a single day, well, it’s a little bit catastrophic.

By way of contrast, when they do occur, regardless of the day’s trials and tribulations, the results are fantastic. By ‘fantastic’ I mean you will have a parent who, at the end of the day, might sip a glass of wine with some satisfaction rather than being completely overwhelmed with a primal urge to down a bottle of scotch, despite disliking scotch, in a single hit and then rock quietly in the foetal position in the corner. Of course it’s just a theory. Feel free to pick it to pieces or give it a whirl.                                                       

Do you have any practical philosophies to share? They need not relate to parenting. I’m rather interested in theories that make any aspect of life easier.

*I am continually astonished at the number of tasks that can, when push comes to shove, be completed with one hand. But. I do find the assembling of even the most basic dinner requires both hands for at least a few moments.