Public Declarations of Affection

This post comes with a warning. The following material is a little judgemental and possibly inflammatory. On the whole they're not things I aspire to be. Most of the time I deliberately avoid being both but not today. Read my rant at your peril.

Argentines are renowned for being hot blooded. The fact some major parks in Buenos Aires employ people to prowl their grounds and physically blow their whistles when they spot couples whose affections become too amorous for public consumption, says it all.

I'm increasingly inclined to petition the powers behind the world wide web to consider hiring a few whistle blowers of their own. Now I'm not talking about the great hunks of cyber space occupied by the lucrative industry dedicated to explicit "physical affection". I'm talking about the nooks and crannies, on Facebook, blogs and Twitter, which have become a stomping ground for public declarations of affection*. The new and unnecessary PDA.

I'm talking about rational, fully grown adults who chose - presumably of their own volition - to express their love, affection and adoration for each other using the interweb as their personal broadcasting service. So rather than just the intended subject learning that their husband/ wife/girlfriend "loves them so deeply", "completes them", "makes their life bliss" all of their 400 friends and followers can share in the love too.

I'm not a cynical person. Truth told I'm a hopeless romantic. I love seeing an old man walking down the street holding a posy of flowers. I love seeing couples hold hands or kiss each other goodbye at an airport. I love listening to speeches at weddings, birthdays, anniversary celebrations. I have no issue with love and affection being visible. It's joyful. But my preference is to ingest it with a little subtlety.

I cannot for the life of me fathom the exchange of loving, wholly personal sentiments between two people - one couple - OVER THE INTERNET - for every random acquaintance they've ever met as well as those they haven't, for every primary school friend they never see, for all of their work colleagues, for their entire extended family, for anyone with an internet connection, to read too. I can't help but feel that the romance dissipates exponentially relative to the number of viewers.

If you haven't encountered a fully fledged PDA of the nature I'm discussing, count yourself lucky and don't befriend anyone new on any social media platform, ever again. If you have no idea what I mean, you might find my take a little aggressive. To clarify. I'm not talking about the odd mention of a significant other in a flattering light, or complimenting the one they love. I'm discussing PDAs which show such flagrant disregard for Acceptable Social Standards** that they immediately offend the sensibilities of even the most relaxed readers and/or induce nausea or fits of hysteria in its (unnecessarily wide) audience.

Perhaps I'm being prudish but my preferred guidance for appropriate conduct in this realm is whether I would feel comfortable saying it, or hearing one of my companions saying it, in a group setting. I don't know many people who sit at a dinner table with friends or mingle at drinks and announce their unending love for their spouse. Not because it's not there but because it's hardly the forum and there are far more interesting things to discuss. Like foreign exchange rates. Or constitutional law. Or nothing. If you wouldn't say it in that setting, I do question whether it needs to be announced on the web.

I've also concluded there is something different about reading a person's intimate love musings and seeing a couple display their love or affection. Whether it's a kiss, a hand on the back or an endearing speech it comes back to subtlety. Which brings me to the humble Hallmark greeting card. They might not always be so subtle, but if it comes down to it, please, let a cheesy card trump a public declaration of affection.

Another takeaway for you my lovely readers is that I'd rather live in Argentina and listen to a loud whistle blowing rather frequently than being subject to online PDAs. Which would you prefer? An amorous display of love - even lust - or an online shout out?

*I acknowledge the hypocrisy of having a personal blog where I do mention my own spouse but I sincerely hope that my references to Mr G have not required the blowing of a whistle. In that event Mr G himself is likely to blow a very large whistle on our marriage.

** As dictated by me. I'm being inflammatory remember.