Village people

Today's blog is brought to you by a virtual red velvet cake. On Sunday afternoon I baked one and it took me so long, required so many bowls and exhausted so much elbow grease that it literally ate my allotted blog writing time. So I'm sorry if this reads like it was hastily written. It was!

If we're friends on Facebook you may have seen something I wrote this week for work about fathers. It was prompted by a column in The Sydney Morning Herald written by the parenting author Robin Barker. At the risk of boring you I'm sticking to the topic today because there is another, more personal angle, I want to elaborate on. The thrust of Barker's piece was that the importance of the mother-child bond in the early years gets overlooked when women are making decisions about going to work. Something about it irked me. Actually, several things did. For one thing, it didn't mention fathers. At all. Nor did it mention grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, carers or godparents. To overlook the wonderful and important role that all of those people can play in the lives of children - and their grateful parents – seemed to me a glaring omission.

As the daughter of a supportive, loving and encouraging Dad* I can't fathom dismissing the part he has, and continues to, play in my life. Not just as my Dad but also as my Mum's husband; his support undoubtedly gave Mum more breathing space to love and care for us while we were little and vice versa. I say that with some certainty because I see the same dynamic at play with myself and Mr G and just about every family I know. Even aside from any benefit I derive from having a committed partner-in-parenting, I can't for a second dismiss Mr G's endless love, enthusiasm and adoration for Miss I**. And why would I want to? It is priceless and matters every bit as much as mine.

In an ideal world all children would have two parents; regardless of gender I think the task of rearing little people requires the patience and resilience of at least two adults. Sometimes I think three would be better. In the real world though two parents are not always available and in that case the role of other adults – whether they're grandparents, kind carers at nursery or just good friends – becomes even more treasured. Because who ever said it takes a village to raise a child was on the money. Big time.

The role of parents in the development of their children can't be underestimated. Being the mother or father to a small person is an overwhelmingly wonderful and precious role. It brings with it more delicious love and joy than I had ever imagined. But parenting little people is a hugely demanding task. The responsibility is relentless and being able to share the thrills, the spills and the task with others is immeasurably valuable. For everyone involved.

I think little people benefit from learning they will be loved and cared for by people in addition to their parents, just as I think parents benefit from learning other people will love and care for their little people. Whether it's spending an hour with a grandparent, a night with their aunty or a day with engaged and caring teachers, it helps a little person develop trust and understanding that the world is bigger than just their parents and that that can be quite fun.

Although this may seem entirely self-serving because I'm a working mother who uses childcare four days a week I quite genuinely believe this. Whether you work or not, and whether your child is one or 18, it is extraordinarily beneficial to have the support and involvement of other people. And that is something I thought Robin Barker's column didn't recognise.

Do you agree or do you think I'm barking mad?

*It's a cliché but my Dad truly is as good as they come.
**This is not to say that on the odd occasion I might suggest to Mr G that the role I play in our joint parenting endeavour is especially valuable. And, you know, warrants flowers and frequent praise.