I'm not much of a gambler but let me share with you some terrific odds. Based on the past few weeks I will not be winning any accolades for my parenting endeavours. But to be fair my darling daughter is equally unlikely to be awarded anything in the well behaved toddler stakes either. And therein lies my dilemma. What is a well behaved toddler???
I love Miss I so much that it hurts my heart. Of late, however, it is also hurting my head. Because she is causing me to tear my hair out. Frequently. We have had a week or so of behaviour that is more challenging than usual. Everything. Has. Become. A. Battle. Wanting to get up, not wanting to get out of her cot, getting undressed, getting dressed, eating breakfast, not eating breakfast, wanting milk, not wanting milk, reading a book, throwing a book, wanting shoes, throwing shoes. And that my dear readers is usually before 7.15am.
It continues in much the same way throughout the day. Four days a week the office is my reprieve between 8.30am and 5.30pm but any resolve I've developed in that time is obliterated quickly upon our reunion when Miss I stages her fifth meltdown in as many minutes. And it makes me head hurt.
It is exquisitely draining to have this tiny person, who I love and care for with every ounce of my being, simultaneously drive me to distraction. And the bit that kills me is not knowing what to do or how to handle it. She is my little person and despite everything I know and adore about her, I don't always know what she wants. Some of the time I'm sure this is because she doesn't know what she wants and other times it's because she can't have what she wants (say, cake for breakfast). But both those scenarios are common with toddlers; my issue is not knowing how to best diffuse or manage it.
I once blogged about the Square Book Round Baby dilemma and I've been thinking about it again. Miss I is no longer an unfamiliar tiny baby for whom I desperately want a manual. She is a robust little girl who I know inside out. Most of the time I feel like I could easily bash out a manual based on her many quirks. But lately the page is blank. Quite like my expression the other afternoon when Miss I went from happily playing with me to being outraged and inconsolable seconds later because Mr Potato Head's ears wouldn't attach on her first attempt.
It became crystal clear that this behaviour isn't because I'm misreading all her cues or because I'm simply not cut out for this mothering gig. Or any of the other ridiculous reasons I've been mentally workshopping.
The real issue, is that like many two year olds, patience is not Miss I's strong suit. And as she has been aggressively enforcing her zero tolerance policy for practically everything she has rendered me a bit the same. And that particular combination - impatient toddler and impatient mother - does not a happy household make. So it's obviously time for me to dig deep because the odds of Miss I upping her threshold are ve-ry slim. Maybe I would be good a gambler!
Do you have any toddlers in your life? How do you maintain your sanity?
2 comments:
Oh my gosh, you have just described my life for the past four months to a tee, and I think that's the age difference between our little miss'es.
I got to breaking point one, snapped, and 'slapped' the back of her head. I barely touched her and she laughed at me immediately after, but oh the horror of how I felt, as if I had crossed the invisible line and had now become 'a parent who slaps'. I got past it, and haven't revisited since.
I ended up calling Ngala, which is a parenting helpline here in WA, lifesavers really. The lady I talked with confirmed to me that I was doing the right thing by choosing my battles and letting my girl get away with some of the 'non essentials' in order to keep some sense of order, but also to let my girl have a sense of individuality. The trick is then to act as if you don't care that she goes to day care wearing three pairs of socks and no pants.
I also find diffusing the situation is a lifesaver, i.e. getting down to eye level and confirming her emotions or distracting her completely.
In time it has gotten easier to cope (most of the time), it's just a matter of hanging in there for this one too...
Sorry, I just took over your blog ;) enjoy Miss I (oh, and pregnancy certainly doesn't make the situation easier - I'm 20 weeks)
Oh dear! Why do you think it's called the " terrible two's"? A little brother or sister will be a great distraction and MissI will become your "biggest helper" - you just have to survive until then! Going to work can really have some intangible benefits can't it -like sanity! At least you can be reassured that this is the behaviour of normal, healthy little people and you wouldn't want it any other way. JH
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